Zombies vs Hippies

Zombies vs Hippies: A comparative study

I was walking through the city the other day and there was a group of hippies trying to hand out some shit about some fucking cowardly and traitorous cause.

One stupid fuck starting talking to me about something spewing complete bullshit and I had little recourse but to rip in half what he was trying to give me and say to him

"You fucking stupid dickhead. You have no fucking idea what you are talking about yet you go out and loiter trying to drag other fuckwits into something you don't understand. You are like a brain dead zombie. Fuck off."

It was here that I started thinking maybe I had insulted zombies and though the similarities were there, which was worse - hippies or zombies?

And so here is a breakdown of the results.

Criterion	Zombie	Hippie	Which is worse
Sight	How rotten they look depends on how long they have been dead	So totally filth encrusted it is hard to see where their rags end and the hippie begins	Hippie
Smell	Dead flesh	Patchouli oil	Hippie
Sound	Silence to a low moan	A clamor of screeches, shrieks, and cries	Hippie
Mental cognition	As seen in Day of the Dead, Zombies can be taught to use phones and guns	Completely devoid of any higher brain functions	Hippie
Speed of movement	Slow. (I don't care what these new generation zombie films say - Zombies do not move fast)	Slow. Hippies are the essence of sloth and laziness (except on their way to the welfare office)	Tie
Diet	Only eat living brains	Don't eat meat at all	Zombie
Drug use	Zombies don't use any drugs	Every kind imaginable	Hippie
Vulnerable areas	Only the head	Everywhere but the head (nothing up there to harm)	Zombie
Work ethic	Zombies generally aren't hired due to the prejudice of other employees in not wanting to get eaten - otherwise you would see zombies attack their work with unnatural persistence and single-minded determination	Work? What's work? Ethic? What's an ethic?	Hippie
Hypocrisy in wanting to save the Earth but then driving around in vehicles that pump out more pollution that most western factories	No	Yes	Hippie
Zombie vs Hippie	Hippies are pussies and wont fight back against zombies	Zombies eat brains and thus hippies are totally ignored by them	Tie
Political Interests	No interest in politics at all	Support socialists, communists, traitors, and terrorists and terrorist sympathisers	Hippie
Difficulty to intimidate	Almost impossible. Zombies feel nothing - including fear	Hippies are complete cowards, easily intimidated and easily defeated	Zombie
Impact on society	Can destroy it but can also help improve society by removing the stupid and the cowardly	Have only caused detriment	Hippie

So there you have it. By an overwhelming margin of 9 to 3 with 2 ties, hippies are by far the greater evil facing society.

I think shoot on sight orders should be issued for hippies.

tiberius.alatheus@gmail.com