2008: The Year of the Dumb Whore
Even though the year has barely gotten underway, I would like to state the
obvious and name 2008 The Year of the Dumb Whore (or Stupid Slut, if you
prefer). Not a day goes by when we're not bludgeoned to death with
another news story about the antics of yet another
vapid, semi-retarded whore (usually the stories
revolve around the slut's attempts to put her bastard
offspring through all sorts of misery). And I'm not just talking about
Britney Spears. There are literally millions of unknown pathetic dumb
sluts who are just trying to get by in life. And by
get by in life I mean hook up with another baby daddy
or move in with her trashbag boyfriend who ends up
murdering one or more of her children.
Take the recent report of the woman from Texas who made up a story about her
husband being killed in Iraq in order to win her six-year-old daughter
tickets to a fucking Hannah Montana concert. The fact that Hannah Montana
(a possible future slut) is so popular is an article
unto itself (and spells the death of pop music as we
know it). But getting back to the story, the mom
(25-year-old Priscilla Ceballos of Garland, Texas) embodies many of
the traits of today's ethnic slut. First, notice the
shaved-off-then-poorly-drawn-back-on eyebrows. This is the hallmark of
both slut moms and crossdressers. Other traits of the
modern dumb whore embraced by Ms. Ceballos are: having
kids while still a teenager, getting knocked up by a
dirtbag who will walk out on his children, and having a MySpace page at
the age of 25 (a sure sign that momma is looking for as many Prince
Charmings she can fit into her).
Still, there are other (even worse) dumb whores who actually put their
children in harm's way in order to hook up with as many bums as possible.
The next time you hear a news report of a child being beaten or burned to
death, think single mom before anything else. 90% of the time, the case
involves some shitbag, drug-addicted asshole who mommy thought would be
perfect to move in with. It's so common and predictable, it's hardly
worth mentioning.
So, what are the signs that you (or someone you know) are a dumb whore?
Here's a checklist:
Teen mom - 10 pts
Single mom - 10 pts
DUI convictions - 10 pts
Crayola eyebrows - 15 pts
Multiple sexual partners - 15 pts
No remorse for the dreadful life you give to your kids - 25 pts
Actually thinking you're a good mom - 30 pts
Excessive alcohol consumption - 40 pts
Drug addiction - 45 pts
Having sex to feed your drug addiction - 50 pts
MySpace Page - 60 pts
Using your cute daughter as bait on your MySpace page - 60 pts
Moving in with or dating a convicted pedophile or violent criminal - 70 pts
Leaving your kid(s) with strangers for hours (or days) on end - 75 pts
Intoxicated photos of you on the internet - 90 pts
Photos of you engaging in sex acts with women on the internet - 90 pts
Tattoo (There's a reason they call
it a "Tramp Stamp!") - 95 pts
Bad credit - 100 pts
Attracted to bad boys - 110 pts
Being repeatedly the victim of abuse (because you have an insatiable
appetite for bad boys) - 150 pts
Doing anything for your kids (lie, cheat, steal) EXCEPT bringing them up in
a healthy, safe two-parent environment - 175 pts
Letting your 12 year old daughter behave in the same slutty way you do
because it's normal (MySpace page, unsupervised internet access, own cell
phone, boyfriends, etc.) - 200 pts
This is by no means a complete list. Suggestions can be submitted to the
Asylum. And the dumb whore who scores the most points wins a free gang
bang with T's six dogs and a donkey.
Of course, my dogs have better taste than to bang a dumb whore....
© by Michael Cooper 2008