Logic for Women (and Feminized Males)
Poor Michael Cooper. He really did take Bush's landslide election victory quite hard and thus has been required to endure electroshock therapy. However it is not all bad news for during one of the sessions, something snapped and he had a moment of brilliant insight. The result of which is now posted here for your reading pleasure.
- Tiberius
It is a well-known fact that women are not logical thinkers. Sure, there are a handful of gals who are able to overcome their brain-killing oestrogen long enough to muster up a cogent argument, but for the most part women do not (and cannot) think logically. (Obviously, any women who regularly reads The Asylum, and obviously, any who used to read Cooper for President, has clearly demonstrated her ability to think logically.)
Don't believe me? Just go to an alternative medicine convention. Or say something critical about Feng Shui to a female co-worker. Or take a peek at a multi-level marketing cult. Chances are the group is comprised of 90% women. And the rest are homos. This week, Swiss scientists proved conclusively what most (non-feminized) males already knew: Homeopathic Medicine is bullshit. So how did women (and Kenny Loggins) react to this conclusive, indisputable scientific study? By using female logic: They denied it. Actually, they used Female Logic Rule Number One: If it is true only 1% of the time, then it's ALWAYS true.
This rule of Female Logic relies heavily upon the fact that there are always exceptions. To most normal thinkers, exceptions PROVE the rule. However, to women, exceptions ARE the rule. If a new-age guru (or the Dalai Lama) strolls into town and offers a cure for a common cold (consisting of drinking cat urine and reading the Kabala), women will instinctively ignore the 99% of people from whom there is no affect and instead focus on the 1% that were "cured" (or didn't have a problem in the first place).
The second rule of Female Logic is called the "One Person Principle."
This rule is based upon the tiny minority of people for whom something turns out badly. It is predicated upon women's inability to understand such difficult concepts as statistics, and will normally conclude with the use of the phrase, "Tell that to the person who...."
Example:
(Woman): "I don't feel like flying. My horoscope said I shouldn't travel this month."
(Man): "Airline travel is statistically safer than driving a car. You are far more likely to be killed while driving to the airport."
(Woman): "Tell that to the people who died in the plane crash last month" (or 9/11, or whatever).
This thought process causes women and feminized men (mostly in Seattle and the Bay Area) to demand that auto makers spend $100 per car on a safety latch or valve that may solve a potential problem but will drive the company out of business. The "logic" will dictate that NOTHING is more important than a human life, even if the company ends up laying off half of its workforce (and 25% of those laid off commit suicide).
(Man): "I'm not sure we should implement this. It could seriously hurt our profitability for 2006, and the science behind it is sketchy at best."
(Woman): "How DARE you put a price tag on human life! If it saves JUST ONE PERSON, it will be worth the trillions of dollars it cost."
Female Logic Rule #3: "If I THINK it's true, then it MUST be true"
This rule can also be called "Oprah's Theorem." It is predicated upon the myth that fat women are only unattractive because society is too harsh on them. Using this line of thinking, if a woman THINKS she's attractive (even though she looks like Shamoo), then she IS attractive (and the men who find her hideous are "trippin'"). This misguided self-esteem has caused most American women to become delusional. Rather than accept the fact that a 300 lb woman in Spandex pants and a belly shirt will cause permanent blindness in most onlookers, this fallacy causes countless women to say with a straight face that they are smart, beautiful, and hard working when in reality they're fat, lazy morons who contribute nothing to society.
A common use of Rule #3 revolves around parenting. How many times have we seen a meth-addicted 20-year-old mother of five say (on the news, just as she's being arrested for child neglect), "I'm a good mom." We've all seen it 100 times, and it's still just as nauseating. Earth to whore: your ability to crank out five children from five different men (all of different races) does not make you a "good mom." It makes you a good sport (for the various gold-toothed apes who take turns banging you and calling you a bitch).
Female Logic Rule #4: If it sounds too good to be true, it's actually true.
I call this rule "The Jodi Foster Syndrome." This rule allows women to believe that they can truly "have it all." They can work all day, be the take-charge boss they fantasize they are, and still be a good mom for the ten minutes they actually spend with their child (see rule #3). This line of thinking prevents women from seeing any negative ramifications of their selfish behaviour. Madison Avenue was built upon these women's delusional thinking. This rule also allows women to fool themselves into believing that two lesbians can raise a child just as well as a married heterosexual couple.
Female Logic Rule #5: If it's too painful to believe, then it isn't true.
This rule explains why so many women buy into the Michael Moore view of the world. Most have already forgotten about 9/11, and many women and feminized democrat "men" think that 9/11 never happened (or was a Jewish plot). Why? How could otherwise normal people ignore the truth? Simple - because the truth (that Islamists are so depraved and violent that they actually enjoy sawing people's heads off) is just too painful to accept. To spare themselves the hassle of actually having to feel sympathy for victims of Islam, women and democrats are far more comfortable spouting off about the so-called "Empire" created by George W. Bush and the alleged racial profiling of our Muslim "brothers" (who would just as soon rape and kill these bitches as look at them).
Female Logic Rule #6: More is better.
Every married man who goes on a business trip knows the pain of his wife calling him repeatedly on his cell phone (even when she knows he's in the middle of an important business meeting). The painful part is that his wife won't be satisfied with just calling once (and leaving one voice mail). She will call, hang up, then call again repeatedly until he picks up the phone (or jumps out of a 12-story building). Next time you're waiting for an elevator or a crosswalk, count how many times the nearest woman presses the button. This rule also applies to nagging.
Female Logic Rule #7: If you can't do something quickly, don't do anything at all:
This rule is relatively new. It used to be that women were the stronger sex (the backbone of civilization). Unfortunately, this is no longer the case. Unless something can be done in the amount of time it takes for an episode of 'Friends,' it's just not worth it (for women or feminized males). Anything that requires sacrifice (and especially injury or death) is looked upon as "morally wrong." Democrats and feminazis are simply not mentally capable of giving up an ounce of their own personal comfort in order to engage in something as boring as fighting terrorism. Hey, Bush has had two years to create a stable democracy in Iraq, and since it wasn't done in the first 30 minutes, most of these gals (and John Kerry) have completely lost interest. Besides, 'Desperate Housewives' is on.
It is up to you, my female readers, to get out there and bring as many of your female friends over to the side of logic by telling them to read this site....
© by Michael Cooper 2005