My Bloody Valentine
Here in the Asylum, never let it be said I don’t at least listen to my loyal fellow inmates.
Some of them asked to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I really did not want to – Valentine’s Day is when I am at my weakest – what with all the love and happiness in the air – it is like a poison to me and my strength is sapped.
Of course that is only a temporary setback until about a week later when the hatred and anger and misery hits near record levels as people find out that all the money spent on flowers and chocolates and dinners was wasted. They realise the people they bought them for have lied to them and have gone on to fuck someone else behind their backs and found someway to justify lying about – usually something like “I lied to protect you”
All their hopes and feelings and honest to goodness love have been trampled by bitch sluts and sleaze pricks. The have given themselves over to these people. They have opened themselves totally only to have it thrown back in their faces, being slashed and having salt rubbed into the wound.
Anger, hatred and hurt reach palpable levels and I feed off it like a vampire. It is here when I get the most number of converts to my cause. But I digress.
After enough requests, begrudgingly I accepted and asked those who had asked if they would be willing to volunteer to assist in the decorating. I promptly had their hearts removed and nailgunned to the walls.
And so once the decorations were up it was time for a special showing of the best Valentine’s Day movie I can think of – My Bloody Valentine.
The story goes something like this:
Twenty years ago in the sleepy mining town of Valentine Bluffs, a fatal mining disaster occurred on Valentine's Day while key members of the crew were decorating for a party. The sole survivor of the accident killed the absentee crew members and warned the town never to have another Valentine's Day celebration. When a group of teenagers decides that the town has gone without a party long enough and begin planning one, a murderous maniac in mining gear begins showing up and dispatching townsfolk in bloody and creative ways.
And what a hit my movie was. All those teenagers playing grab ass – thinking they are so cool – and then SMACK! Pick axe through the head.
Take that blonde bitch at the start of the film. She was probably supposed to be with someone else but decided to go and fuck this miner like the whore she was. And wasn’t she surprised when he picked her up and impaled her on the pick axe he had stuck in the wall beside her. Yeah – that’s the shit.
Watching this – it gave us an idea.
A Valentine’s Day slaughter. That is what is needed. I will let all my fellow maniacs out of the asylum to go on a Valentine’s Day slaughter. That will show everyone.
Something along the lines of
“He/she broke my heart so I ripped hers/his out"
Valentine's Day sucks.
People are going to email me saying that Valentine's Day does not suck and I am just bitter and jealous. Then a week from now after they have been cheated on they will email me back crying and saying how I was totally right and Valentine's Day sucks.
© by
Tiberius Alatheus 2004