Movie Review: United 93
It has been a while since I've actually been to a movie theater. With movies coming out on DVD quicker than ever, the throngs of socially retarded douchebags who talk at the movies, and the sophomoric tripe coming out of Hollywood, there has really been no reason to go. Case in point: I (reluctantly) took my kids to see Steve Martin in The Pink Panther a couple of months ago. It was even worse than even I had predicted (and I had set my expectations extremely low, because I knew it would suck ass).
However, there is (finally) a movie worth seeing at the theater. In fact, it won't be nearly as good if you wait for the DVD. United 93 is (as I'm sure you all know) the story of the passengers who fought back on that hijacked 9/11 flight, causing the camel fuckers to crash into an open field near Shanksville, PA, instead of their intended target of the White House or US Capitol Building.
In a word, the movie was brilliant. The acting was superb, the writing was excellent, and even the actors who portrayed the hijackers did an outstanding job. This was not a preachy movie, nor was it a disappointing piece of anti-Western, pro-terrorist garbage like Munich. The reviews have been (for the most part) spot on about how good this film is. The movie showed the intensity, confusion, and shock that surrounded the events of September 11, 2001.
One of the best things about the experience was the fact that Americans are overwhelmingly a bunch of candy-ass pussies. Yes, you read that right (and I have proof below). Even better was the fact that I live in a part of the country dominated by gutless cowards, traitors, and outright terrorist sympathizers (yes, my state went heavily for Kerry in 2004). As a result, the theater was only about a quarter full, which meant that no 6' 8" baldheaded fuckface sat down in front of me or my wife ten seconds before the movie started (which is usually the case). Of course, since there were no leftists there, there was nobody talking, laughing, or prattling on about this weekend's pro Kim Jong Il rally during the show. The patrons were all very respectful of one another (and I got a good glimpse of what the world would be like if more people were like me - not at all a bad scenario).
The movie was intense, and at times you could have heard a pin drop. At the end of the show, it felt as if I'd had the wind knocked out of me. Although it wasn't as powerful (or quite as good) as Saving Private Ryan, United 93 is head and shoulders above the typical leftist dog shit being cranked out of Hollywood these days. The fact that there weren't any "known" actors in the movie made the film that much better.
Unfortunately, the experience also confirmed something I've been suspecting for quite some time. Namely, Americans are the biggest bunch of pussies on the planet (actually, second-biggest when you throw Europeans into the mix). The movie opened at a disappointing #3. True, the A&E network had a similar movie come out earlier this year, but that's no excuse. There's no comparison between seeing this on the big screen as opposed to at home. The sad truth is, Americans simply don't care (or they're scared shitless of seeing this movie). It seems the "Ostrich with his head in the sand" logo I used on my website and bumper stickers applies to more than just liberal Democrats. And I'm sure the terrorists are heartened by the low turnout. The theaters should have been jam-packed, but there were no crowds at all.
One of the excuses I've heard from candy asses online is that they "know someone" who died on 9/11, and they "just can't bear to watch" the movie. Let's just call bullshit to that one, shall we? First, have you ever noticed how EVERYBODY is Irish on St. Patrick's Day? Even guys named Jamaal or Chang will claim some sort of Irish heritage when they're out partying and trying to get laid that night. That's what's happened with 9/11. Everybody suddenly knows somebody who died in the towers (or on one of the flights). While I'm sure that is the case with a fraction of these people, others are using it as a crutch to prevent the rest of us from finding out what pussies they are. Sill others say they're not going to see the movie because they are "boycotting" Hollywood. Yeah, right.... Even if you were boycotting Hollywood (and who could blame you?), nothing would send a bigger message to these assholes than United 93 having massive success and becoming the blockbuster of the year it should have become. Unfortunately, that opportunity is now gone.
And please spare me your emails if you aren't going to see the movie. I really couldn't give a shit why you would miss out (unless you've been crippled in an accident or your kid has Scarlet Fever). Other than that, just admit you're either a pussy and you can't stomach it, or you really couldn't care less about the war we find ourselves in. Just go line up like good lemmings for Butt Pirates of the Caribbean or Mission Impossible III. For those of you who DID see United 93, I'm sure you enjoyed it as much as I did.....
Ok. There are a few valid reasons why somebody might not want to see United 93:
1) You're flying this week out of Newark, Boston, or D.C. (it would be a bit like watching Jaws before going to the beach - or at least back in 1975, when Jaws was actually scary).
2) You have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. If you were in Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, or were ever on a hijacked flight, nobody (and I mean NOBODY) could call you a pussy for not wanting to see this film.
3) You have a close relative (wife, husband, son, daughter, father, or mother) who was killed on 9/11. Although in my mind, you owe it to your deceased loved one to see this movie, nobody could blame you for not wanting to reopen these fresh wounds.
Other than that, I can't think of any excuses. And please spare me the "It's too soon" bullshit. Back during WWII, there were a ton of movies (hell, there were even Popeye and Bugs Bunny cartoons) about fighting the Axis powers.
Everybody must see this film so you can see what the camel fuckers are really like....
© by Michael Cooper 2006