TV Sucks!
Why is television so shit?
What is there worth watching?
The Simpsons.
South Park.
Do Over (purely for reminiscence value and one of the most rootable redheads I have ever seen.)
I am struggling to list more.
Everything falls into these crapegories
TV Shit-coms
What more needs to be said except listing some of them here.
The Nanny, Ellen, Will and Grace, Ned and Stacy, Mad About You, et al
Occasionally you might get a good one like Frasier or Seinfeld but most of the time they suck balls.
(Un)Reality tv
American/Australian/British/Finnish/Russian/Ugandan et al Idol
Survivor, Jo Schmo, The Bachelor, For Love or Money (whatever the fuck it's called) Pop Stars, The Simple Life
And most especially Big Brother
When are you fucking anal licking dipshits going to realise than anything you have to be screened and
selected and auditioned for IS NOT fucking REALITY. You have been selected and calculated and examined.
You want reality - go sit in the city centre with your eyes closed - when you have had enough - open them
and select the first 10 people you see and lock them in a house - that is reality. 10 strangers taken at
random - not painstakingly examined and selected so there is one slob, one neat freak, one slut, one prude,
one vegetarian, one anti vegetarian, one nerd, one dumbass, one hippie, one conservative etc
Why are you people so fucking stupid that you can't realise this on your own?
You are just such pathetic perverts who need to be watching to get off. There you all are, each
night glued to the tv with all your pervert friends, all sitting around jerking each other off
because you are all fucking drooling fuckheads with no lives of your own so you have to get it by
watching other people and masturbating in front of each other
"Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. There is a titty shot, quicker. Harder. Ohh two people are under the blankets.
Quick. Pull me harder. Faster. faster Oh. Oh."
There are not enough words in all the languages on earth - past or present - for how much I hate
you people who watch these shows and lap it up like the salivating perverts you are and force me to
have to pour nitric acid in my eyes every commercial break during the Simpsons when I see the promo for it.
Renovation shows
Backyard Blitz. Ground Force. The Hot House. The Block.
Another load of shit. You are crap. You have no talent. But every dumbshit wanker thinks - hey - I can
do that. It's so easy the way they do it on tv.
I propose a new renovation/gardening/home improvement show. We will drive around until we find people doing
these shows. Then we will do to them what they are attempting to do e.g
Someone digging the garden with a shovel, we use a shovel to cut their head off
Someone sanding a doorframe, we use a sander on their back
Someone trying to plaster a wall, we drown them in plaster
Then, the last line of each show as we drive away from the scene
"Remember dipshits. Leave the house and garden renovations to professional tradesmen and we won't have to do this to you"
Of course my intelligent readers are probably asking "what about people with no brains who
suffer the "me too" syndrome who are getting into the market even though they can't afford it
and ordinarily would not, thus artificially raising prices so in the end nobody can afford a house"
to which I reply - the people who watch these shows are beyond intelligent discourse - their only hope
is for me to bring out my Mordor Troll War hammer in an attempt to bash through the layer of stupidity
they have protecting that miniscule lump of matter they use as a substitute for a brain.
Shows for losers with no life - also known as soaps
Melrose Place, Bold and Beautiful, Home and Away, Neighbours, Santa Barbara, General Hospital,
Young and the Restless, Days of our Lives, Beverly hills 90210, Party of 5, Secret Life of Us - all total shit
And the only thing worse than these shows are the people who watch them.
"Oh but they deal with real life issues"
No. They deal with completely bullshit issues that you have just convinced yourself are real as you try to
mould your real "life" around what happens in these shows to make yourself feel better about being a total
loser fuck stick with no life whatsoever.
I mean just last week, my twin brother came back from the dead and slept with my girlfriend, whose sister
had my child three years ago before going on to marry my half brother, who was sleeping with my friends
cousin at time, who had a lesbian affair with my girlfriends ex boyfriend's mother before she got abducted
by aliens in the panic of a massive earthquake in which I was to get married to my ex's ex girlfriend's mother
from when she used to be a lesbian (who also had a baby but don't know if it is mine or my arch enemies - my ex's
ex that is- not her lesbian friend) but didn't get married to her because of the tidal wave that swept the town
after the hurricane blew through and put out the fires caused by the volcano eruption that killed her before the
earthquake.
Yeah. Sure.
This leads to two conclusions
a) You are a pathological liar whose life is so crap, the load of total shit above is more attractive than your
real life so you tell everyone these shows reflect your life
b) You are a dirty slut and just want confirmation from tv so you can say "everyone does it" and not feel
so bad about it
Either way you are scum and I hope you get hit by a bus - preferably one with a poster on the side advertising
these retarded shows.
Anything that doesn't fall into those categories usually falls into the General Crap category
Buffy, Bay Watch, Angel *cough*BLADE RIP-OFF!!!*cough*, Crappy McBeal, VIP,
I would list more but there are just too many and I am too tired.
There is too much shit on TV these days. People are better off browsing the internet and reading great web pages like this one. They might learn something. Oh wait. If they are watching these shows then there is no hope for them to learn anything. They should go away and die instead.
© by Tiberius Alatheus 2004