Step right up

Step right up

I had my first (minor) challenge from beyond these cells… However, what turned out to be a genuine challenge emerged from its veil quite quickly and the disappointment sunk in as a brick of reality comes flying my way. There are no real women out there who can really hold a candle to me … I can say this with great confidence. Why, you say? This is what happened …

In my travels around the Asylum, I chanced to come across a few hastily stuffed notes in (of all places) the letterbox. Apparently some white trash bit of gobshite (let’s call her Peabrain) had the temerity to challenge MY seat in these hallowed halls of the Asylum, and believe in her stupidity, that Tiberius would accept someone with such lack of foresight and vision to lead WITH him. Her challenge was not carried out with much intelligence either – let me set up the scenario and you can be the judge. I must take my hat off to her – she did disguise her challenge in a very weak death threat.

Peabrain and I have some sort of history. I shared breathing space with stupidity personified for about 2 seconds, that I am quaking in my boots (knee highs for those who are interested) at the very thought of seeing her again. To be fair though, Peabrain can’t help it if her face looked like a squashed version of a badly carved out pumpkin and her body was pudgy like a big fat pinyata, which had been stuffed with too much meat. I remember her as bursting out of her seams quite a bit in her attempt to be haute couture. Incidentally she did not succeed and opted for the techno look instead. Her fitness levels were so so back then, and rumour had it was that she skipped physical education for prostitution, well, showed a lot of planning went into her career.

Fast forward to today to Peabrain’s well planned threats:

Thinking that anonymity would shield her from Merewenne’s powers of observation, Peabrain did not even attempt to print or type the notes – you got it, all in her own handwriting. And that she still put bit fat zeroes (like her life) around her “I’s” made it quite easy to narrow down my field of suspects.

Clearly you benefited well from that lobotomy you had at birth..!

Threatening to rearrange Merewenne’s (pretty) face will get you nowhere considering she spent her formative years in the rugged terrains of China and she is trained in the deadliest martial arts and will kill you without a moment’s hesitation. While Merewenne abhors violence and does not do her fellow humans harm, Peabrain does not fit into that category and Merewenne will be happy to make that exception for you …

Made sure Merewenne also armed herself with a good lawyer to defend her (non-existent) restraining order against Peabrain and not to step foot on her property.

Why Merewenne even be seen dead in a lowlife slum of an existence you call estate living is beyond comprehension. The only estate Merewenne deals with are deceased estates. Only say the word …

As for that paltry excuse of a restraining order, Merewenne will not be wasting her resources challenging it not because she is a coward, but because Merewenne does not feel you register at all in her “care” scale to dignify your “challenge” with a response. I would not be threatening to speak to any lawyers as you would have realised by now Merewenne is post high school qualified and that itself gives her a higher probability of mixing with lawyers than you ever will. Besides, one of the upshots of planning for world domination is that Tiberius and Merewenne has access to copious amounts of cash, so you can appreciate that should she decide to call in the big boys, you will wish you had never been born (with a mouth).

How you were allowed to own property is astounding. Fear not, Merewenne will claim it soon as she sweeps over your lands on the eve of world domination. Your property will be … shall we say, our first toilet stop.

Merewenne will pay for going near her cats.

Merewenne hates felines and that comment embodies the sheer stupidity and lack of planning when making “proper” threats. If you think there is a likelihood of your cats being brainwashed, I suggest you learn from them as they had a brain to start off with.

Merewenne would not go near cats voluntarily. Not paying shouldn’t be a problem.

Oh, and think twice before you acquire pets which are smarter than you.

Now it is clear that Tiberius and I mock stupidity. In fact, we advocate AND recommend killing yourself to rid the world of scum (such as yourself) only worthy of being trodden on by a masticating dung beetle.

What I haven’t told you yet is that Peabrain is screwing the obedience teacher of her 5 year old mongrel cat. It gets better. He’s 55 and her neighbour. She didn’t even look very far. I suppose what choice have you got when you have the face of a fish and your lips look like it could sink a thousand ships. Challenge me? Hah!

MORAL:

Those who train cats for a living and have nothing better to do than screwing ugly neighbours should present themselves at my doorstep for a proper beheading. Oh, and bring a blunt object …