Oooh. A secret deal
Check out this email I got
FROM Dr.Gen.JOHSON KOJO.
REPLY THIS MAIL TO: gen_johson_k17@myway.com
URGENT ASSISTANCE
(STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL)
Oh yes. Nothing maintains secrecy and confidentiality like sending an email out to random strangers.
Dear Friend,This letter might come to you as a surprise since we have not met before, but I take you to be an honest person who can assist me in actualizing this transaction.
Dear friend? Some friend. He doesn't even know my name.
My name is Dr.Gen.JOHSON KOJO, the Chief Security Aid to the immediate past President of Liberia Charles Taylor who is presently seeking asylum in Nigeria; He is here in Nigeria with his family, bodyguards, few other security aids, and me. I have in my custody the sum of $45,fourty five million dollars which I intend to use for business investment abroad. President Charles Taylor himself made this fund available to me when we were still in Liberia. As the chief security aid, I was bestowed with the responsibility for the procurement of more arms and ammunitions in other to subdue the fast rising might of the opposition rebels.
Well of all the lies and bullshit I expected to get told, this wasn't it. I suppose I should give them marks for originality but I would rather insult and degrade them.
I was able to foresee the looming danger ahead due to the enormous pressure on President Charles Taylor from the United Nations (UN), Africa Union (AU) and in particular African prominent heads of state to leave Liberia and go on exile, which truly is the only means to install peace in Liberia. As at the time I received this last ammunitions purchasing fund ($45), I knew that Charles Taylor will be forced out of Liberia before the arrival of the ammunitions, so I acted wisely, instead of going for the ammunitions, I then traveled to a different country where I deposited these funds with a diplomatic security company for my own personal use.
These funds was already carefully packed in two diplomatic trunk boxes which made it easier for deposit without the companies knowledge of the exact content, It was deposited as photographic papers and was tagged consignment. Due to my position here with Charles Taylor, I cannot travel out for now, this is where I now beg for your assistance in going to make claims of the consignment on my behalf with the documents which I will provide to you, then transfer the funds into your safe account whiles I and my family now come over to your Country for investment with your wise advice.
How about you just send me the trunks to a postal address I provide, then you go to some other country and I will transfer the money to you. Surely if you trust me enough with this secret you can trust me with the money.......
I assure you there are no risk involved, as every aspect of this transaction is legal, genuine and safe. Please Note that neither Charles Taylor nor any other person is aware of this deal, it is absolutely confidential.
No risk hey? I can't see any problems in handing over all sorts of personal detail and information to a total stranger who says that everything is to be kept absolutely confidential but goes and spreads it all over the internet.
I beg for your Understanding, as I expect your urgent candid response. You can contact me only on my personal email for now:(gen_johson_k17@myway.com ).
My Best Regards,
Dr.Gen.JOHSON KOJO.
Ummm. If it's all the same to you I think I might pass.
As if that wasn't enough, this one arrived about 17 minutes after the first one did
"CHARITY AHMED MOHAEBI." <charity_ahmed@z6.com>
Reply-to: "charityahmed@z6.com" <charityahmed@z6.com>
Subject: ASSISTANCE.
Charity Ahmed Moheabi? Hmmm. The Charity is most definitely Christian but Ahmed - well that is making me think filthy muslim and if I think that I will make it my point to turn you in. So let's assume you are Christian.
DEAR,
Not a good start. You don't even put my name on it.
Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and may
offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and
writing through this channel.
I got your name from the internet database.though i was divinely
inspired to pick your name among other names found in the database.After series of
prayers/fasting.i was divinely directed to contact you.I believe that God has a way of helping who is in problem and nobody on earth was born without
problem.Every problem have a divine solution.
BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh yes. God gave you my name from the database but not intelligence enough to put it at the start of the email.
In a brief I AM charity ahmed,Son to ahmed mohebi yusuf of Chiweshe ward in
Muzarabani, Mashonaland Central province, who was allegedly killed in cold blood on
5th April 2001 by alleged Zanu PF militias and war veterans for supporting the
(Mr Morgan Tsvangirai) Movement forDemocratic Change, an opposition party to
the tyranny government of President Mugabe.
As the tension climaxed,I was able to escape to a nearby farm .I was there untill the
tension gets down before i decided to move to Dubai, United Arab Emirates in
Middle East.
Before my Father death as if he saw what is going to happen in his life,he handed over to me all the documents of money he deposited with a private security company attach to
south africa embassy in Dubai,
United Arab Emirates as personal effect in disguise amounting to $25 Million United states dollars.I have decided to leave my country due to threats on my life and my family by
Mugabe governement agents.I want you to come down to Dubai,United Arab Emirates to assist me move this fund out of United Arab Emirates for my Life investment in your country .the follwing agreement;
Oh sure. I will just up and go to some backward shithole (and face it - any nation that has islam as its largest religion is a backward shithole regardless of technology) to meet some stranger who doesn't know my name move some (no doubt) stolen or other inappropriately gained funds.
1.To keep this transaction confidential it deserves.
Does sending out email to strangers all over the Internet count as confidential?
2.To assist me invest my share of the fund into a viable business venture as
i have little or no knowledge on where to invest this huge sum of money.
And what makes you think I have any more knowledge than you do? I can tell you to invest it The Asylum - it is an organisation that helps me get rich....err.....healthy and better.
3.To assist me and travel with you immediately this fund is out to where you
wish for the sharing of the fund according to the agreed percentages and
invest my share.
Ok. You send the funds to me and go travel to the other side of the planet.
4.To present yourself as the bonafide owner of the fund so that there will
be no trace of the movement of the fund From Africa to Dubai here as
all the arrangement to make the changes with the security company has been
arranged.
Oh sure. I will take ownership of the money. Of course it will be permanent ownership.
5. You will be transparent, honesty and diligence and will not be greed to divulge from the original percentage offered to you thereby requesting for increase which might lead try to sit on the funds once it is under your custody, or you try to blackmail me so you can take the money alone.
Bwa ha ha ha ha ha. He doesn't know me too well does he? It would seem god gave him a bum steer.
6.Your percentage for your assistance will be 30% while 65% will be for me and 5% will be set aside to defray any incidental charges we may incurr in the course of the transaction.
No deal. I will only accept 100%. Any less and I turn you over to whomever.
This transaction is 100% risk free but need utmost secrecy and confidentiality due to my condition in my country now.For quick reference on how my Father was brutally killed.please visit:www.mdczimbabwe.com/violence/violence.htm.
I smell Spyware/key logger/trojan/virus/worm at that link. Think I will check it on work's computers.
If you are interested to assist me.please respond immediately for more detailed information.
God Bless
Yours sincerely
charity ahmed.
I mean seriously - How fucking stupid do they think we are? But obviously there are enough fucking morons out there who would take this up otherwise there would be no point in continuing on with these scams.
If you have ever responded to an email such as this, do us all a favour and kill yourself. And if you have kids, please kill them too as they have obviously been tainted by the same strain of stupidity as you. I mean we don't want them polluting the next generation do we?
If you are a dumbfuck who likes to answer emails like this and then cry in surprise when you find your bank accounts have been emptied, let me save you the surprise. Just send all your money to me. At least you will know where it goes.
© by Tiberius Alatheus 2004