Breaking news: Princess Di is Still Dead
News at 11:00.
Ten years ago when I got into standup comedy, one of the first bits I wrote
was about a "teaser" for the evening news which included all sorts of
mahem, famine, and nuclear attacks. It then started
with "But first, it's been ten years since the death
of Princess Di, and the world is still grieving."
How fucking right I was (sadly).
OK, so she was a nice lady who didn't think she was superior to everyone
else and made others feel good about themselves (especially that
terrorist she was fucking when she died), but do we
REALLY need to give her this level of attention?
I guess what REALLY pisses me of is that (like a complete tool) I tuned in
to VH1 to see the Diana Tribute concert. All I wanted to see was Roger
Hodgson (in my opinion the greatest singer/songwriter of the 20th
century, but seeing how he doesn't have gold teeth or
some big titted sluts dancing around him, I realize
I'm seriously in the minority on this one. I go for
talent over marketing).
I tuned in periodically to the show but missed Hodgson's performance
completely. I'm not even sure he was there, judging by the recap on the
official site. If VH1's website is correct, they actually had Diddy (what
the fuck?). I'm hoping this is some limey I've never heard of who
coincidentally bears a similar name to P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, or whatever the
no talent hack is calling himself these days.
Here's a recap of what I DID see:
Tom Jones gave the best performance of the show (at least of the acts I
saw). He is what an aging artist SHOULD be. He can sing, he has his
niche, and he doesn't try to be more (or less) than he
is. Paul McCartney and the other douchebags who try to
"reinvent" themselves every few years really need to
take a page from Tom Jones. And as much as I hate Aerosmith, Joe
Perry on the guitar looked to be in great shape.
Brian Ferry sucked. I used to like him (and Roxy Music), but it's clear that
the guy can't carry a tune. He was off key throughout the performance.
What a has-been.....
Some chick I never heard of sucked. No wonder I've never heard of her.
Rod Stewart also sucked. I can't really blame him, since he's about 90. He
was still better than Bryan Fairy, but I digress.
Another chick I'd never heard of was pretty good, but I can't recall her
name.
That was it (well, that and a tribute by Nelson Mandella, one of the worst
"leaders" of the past 30 years).
But what really told me that this was another opportunity for losers and
glomers-on to take advantage of Princess Di's death in order to get
attention for themselves (like the shit-for-brains trailer trashers who
lined up to leave flowers and sign the "memory books" ten years ago) was
that the show featured Kanye West. WTF? Correct me if I'm wrong but Kanye
"Bush Hates Black People" West has only been popular for a few years. In
other words, he was not one of Diana's favorite singers and likely added
nothing to the event (other than more virulent racism and hackneyed
ghetto slogans for the retarded).
Finally, when the show ended, the usual rendition of "God Save the Queen"
was nowhere to be found. This was deliberate, since it's well known that
Di and the queen hated each other. Pretty fucking
pathetic, when you consider the small incident
INVOLVING ISLAMISTS TRYING TO BLOW UP THE GLASGOW AIRPORT
AND EXPLODE TWO CAR BOMBS IN LONDON OVER THE WEEKEND. I repeat what I
said about the UK being finished. This was only
another example.
Fucking Brits need to take all those tiny muslim dicks out of their mouths and reclaim their once great civilization...
© by Michael Cooper 2007