How to Be Raped by a Mexican - A Progressive's Guide
Some people like to live in a fantasy world. Some people like to close their
eyes to the reality around them. But by now there can be no doubt that if you
are a woman between the ages of 12 and 83 living anywhere in the United States,
you will eventually be (if it hasn't already happened) raped by a Mexican. This
article is not meant to offend or alarm, it is merely meant to confirm the
proven statistical reality that follows when large numbers of Mexicans go
unchecked in the population. So rather than try to elect a president (or local
officials) who will make any attempt at curbing the out of control illegal alien
crimewave, we at the Asylum have decided to take a pragmatic approach and
prepare you ladies (and prepubecent girls) for what you're going to experience:
Mexican Rape.
The first thing to keep in mind is not to feel guilty. By now, at least 96% of
the entire U.S. female population has been raped by a Mexican at one point in
their lives. So there's no need to feel ashamed or alone. After all, if you're a
woman (or young toddler) who prides herself on her "open minded cultural
diversity" you probably already know that rape is part of the Mexican culture,
and to decry it would only make you judgemental.
The first thing you'll need to decide is exactly WHERE you will be raped. This
is one of the few areas where you actually have a say in the matter. If you want
to get it over with as quickly as possible, the most obvious choice is public
transportation. In most American cities, busses and mass transit have been
converted in to rape-houses that would make Saddam Hussein's boys look like a
couple of leg-warmer wearing homos. In fact, for you men out there, being
assaulted and robbed by gangs of young Mexicans is as unavoidable as rape is for
the ladies (or little kids). You could even make a family event out of it by
taking your wife and kids for a ride on BART, the Seattle Monorail, the New York
Subway, or whatever form of mass transit has been made en vogue by the liberals
in your town. If public transportation seems a bit "beneath" you, there are any
number of Home Depots, Wal-Marts, or bars in your town that have become default
Emergency Rape Shelters for Mexican men. You may even be able to get some
shopping done while you're there.
Once you've decided where and when you're going to be raped by a Mexican, there
comes a sense of empowerment that makes the event a tad less horrific. In fact,
by keeping a positive attitude, you may be 0.00001% less likely to want to
commit suicide afterwards. So get on with it!
Now that you know where and when, the next decision is WHO is going to rape you.
This is a big choice, since Mexicans usually travel in clusters. In fact,
depending on your attractiveness (and your ability to fight them off) you may be
raped repeatedly by dozens of members of the Esse community. Again, don't feel
ashamed. Do you feel ashamed eating sushi or learning to eat with chopsticks? Of
course not. And, as sushi is a staple of Japanese culture, rape (and gang rape)
is at the core of Mexican culture. Try to remeber this as you grit your teeth
while lying on your back on a pile of broken glass.
Also keep in mind that at 5'3", the average Mexican has a very low center of
gravity. This may help or hurt you depending on how tall you are (and whether or
not you'll have to get on top). It may be difficult to achieve arousal with a
knife sticking in your neck, but just think of how well repsected you'll be at
your next "Snooty Pseudo-Intellectual Wine and Cheese People" meeting. And
you'll feel GREAT when you pull the lever for Hillary in November. Si se puede!
One thing you definitely should not do is fight back or put up any sort of
resistance. After all, if you didn't want to be raped by a Mexican, you would
have moved to New Zealand or Antartica by now. This is their land, and they are
merely re-taking it (and everyone living here). What you SHOULD do, however, is
immediately douche with gasoline and/or take a Morning After Pill once Alejandro
is finished. The last thing you want is a bastard offspring who bares a slight
resemblance to you but who has the IQ of aquarium gravel (and several birth
defects brought on by exposure to too many meth ingredients and lawn chemicals).
So, although some of you uptight white people might be upset after reading this
(probably Mitt Romney voters), we hope this article has been informative to the
majority of progressive, forward-thinking women (and their pussy, Kenny
Loggins-esque husbands who wouldn't think of lifting a finger to prevent Hector
and his amigos from gang raping his wife). After all, at this point, it's
statistically unavoidable. So you might as well just accept it.
That is what leftist scum get for telling people not to fight back and give the criminal what he wants...
© by Michael Cooper 2008