Shitball Lawyers, Goths, and Chicken Fuckers
Under the category of "Ironic Justice" comes the story of shitball criminal defense lawyer Daniel Horowitz. As you've all probably read by now, Mr. Horowitz's wife, Valerie Plame (oops! Sorry - wrong shitball) Pamela Vitale was brutally murdered last week. Before I point out the obvious irony of this murder, I would like to give Tiberius a well-deserved pint of whatever imported German beer he likes the most for his ongoing struggle against Goths. I used to think that he was going on a bit too much about how Goths suck and what toilet stains they were. Now we find out that the person who murdered Ms. Vitale was in fact a blood-sucking, corpse-fucking Goth. Keep up the fight, Tiberius. You are saving lives with each and every Goth you pulverize, and Australia is in your debt.
And although Ms. Vitale's brutal murder at the hands of a Bella Lugosi wannabe is certainly unfortunate, I'm sure as hell not going to shed any tears. Her husband has made millions representing known killers, rapists, and other garbage without any regard whatsoever for their victims, I'm sure. I guess I should say "allegedly," since this shitball lawyer might want to sue me some day, but I guess he's going to be too busy getting his mug in front of the camera and trying to elicit sympathy from the masses over the next few weeks rather than surfing the web, so fuck him.
Another story that I'm sick of is the Avian Flu. I made fun of this humorous disease two years ago in my article entitled "Cookie Monster Has the AIDS." In it, I mentioned that the other Sesame Street Muppets had come down with various ailments such as Elmo with his anal warts and Big Bird with the Asian Bird Flu. And while joking about the disease may not be funny, bestiality certainly is.
Let me be perfectly honest here - I am more worried about being killed by General Zod and the other aliens from Superman II than I am of me or anybody I've ever known getting the Avian Flu. Why?
Because having sexual intercourse with poultry isn't very fashionable in the United States. Sure, there are probably some sections of Iowa or Nebraska where this goes on, but it's not as socially acceptable as it is in certain parts of Asia, Eastern Europe, or some Western Euro countries. And although the "mainstream" news hasn't mentioned it, you can bet that this disease was spread to humans the way that AIDS initially was (someone in Africa fucked a monkey). So rather than worry about it, let's all have a good laugh at the expense of whomever it is that has been sticking his pecker inside of what is supposed to be an 8-piece dinner at KFC. Americans don't have to worry about this. Neither do Australians (although they'd be wise not to get to close to New Zealand for the next several years, if the rumors about that country are true).
So while you enjoy yourselves this weekend, be sure to NOT take time out to remember those for whom the mainstream media thinks we should feel sorry. Whether they are Goths, chicken fuckers, or shitball lawyers, I just don't give a shit. Cluck cluck.
Leftists the world over are now in a mad rush to get in contact with the last chicken they fucked to find out if they had bird flu........
© by Michael Cooper 2005