And we have come a long way

The world is full of losers. One does not need to look very far than past my high school. Fortunately I have not had the pleasure of attending the same high school as the Egg Harlot, however luck would rain on my parade and present me with Peabrain instead. As I may have briefly touched on it before, she was the model absentee – regularly occupying herself with prostitution. But I digress…

My high school was no exception… it is full of, and I repeat .. FULL of losers…

Morbid curiosity made me venture into www.schoolfriends.com.au and was I sorry I had. What I remembered of those morons I left behind in my greener days were just as I had remembered them, and maybe worse.

Firstly I have never seen a forum where one’s centre of gravity shifted from one’s gut to one’s chest. The number of people who you knew from high school who never amounted to anything were so full of self idolatry shit that it amazes me how they have not ended up in our local water sewerage treatment plant.

For example, take this guy called Draggy who wanted to get into Law through the “back door” and claims to be an aspiring derivatives trader in Jamaica. Whose back door he managed to get in through will be something I am happy not to explore, not to mention that I did not know they had derivatives to trade in Jamaica. And of another – let’s call her FrazzlePuff – who is a failed to make it as a childcare woman thingy (because she did not pick the right subjects in high school) and instead is now a counsellor to children – hide your children. And Bux, who unfortunately died in the name of science when he was in Munamoola – observing the effects of an atomic test from a nearby cardboard box. Quite stupid, really. Then there was HillyButtocks who had no idea that the reason why she did not have a date to the year 12 ball stemmed from the fact that she ate carpet. And Spiro clearly had not been breastfed at birth at the way he thinks that he can score chicks by wearing heavy gold chains and greasing his hair while having his shirt unbuttoned to the navel. Or Deadbeat who tells everyone he is travelling the world when in fact, he has been sighted at the local shopping centre with regularity over the last few years – all sources very reliable – in Merewenne tradition. And AchyBreaky (closet Liberal Party supporter), apparently still walks around and uses A LOT of hand actions, is engaged to Brunhilda – their children will be scary. Airhead got cheated on by her equally ugly boyfriend and posted it on the website hoping for retribution. None came, and now she is trying to convince everyone she looks forward to the excitement that single life brings … You get the drift … because, in other words, someone had gone along, bundled these losers into a time capsule and dug them out when they thought their life could not get any worse…

Of course, those not making individual mentions are those who conform to the most obvious and sickening choice of words - all of them married their “wonderful” (toadfaced) husband/wife who is their “soulmate” (because they could not do any better), have 2.3 “beautiful children” (because they had no career plans aside from ensuring the stupidity continues to the next generation) and doing whatever they do and “loving it!”. No one loves their job (unless they worked for NASA and got to travel the world observing the geometric precision of the pyramids) … who do you think will buy all that crap? And while we are on the topic of crap, I wonder how much my high school alone contributes to the divorce rate around this country.

It appears that those which have the least to say about their lives go ahead and make up the most outrageous stories in the hope that they can have a “one up” on their bedfellows they left behind over a decade ago. Those who are modest will put the least down about themselves for want of privacy (too big a word for the losers to comprehend – now there’s another big word). Those who have no lives will put the most down in a hope they are actually perceived as important, discounting the fact that most intelligent (and supreme) beings can work out what is going on ..

The reunion ought to be fun .. especially with this alternative biography I have planned:

“Since high school I dabbled in hydroponics before being set up by the police for being in possession of tomatoes. I have since been trained up and have taken over the family business of meat packing (people) while learning how to operate heavy machinery. My favourite item is the vat. I have also been partaking in my favourite past time of training Jamaican fruit bats in the intricacies of espionage. Sitting on my left shoulder is my loyal servant Fieldmouse Von Hindenberg who is taught with the doctrines of tomato growing. I am very much a closet fan of Dawson’s Creek and I play with myself constantly …”

MORAL:

The schoolfriends website so full of shit, I think I might go take a crap…