Make way for the Hector Alert
Of all of the abuses by illegal immigrants of America’s benevolent taxpayer-based services (school, medical care, food stamps, and massive birthday parties in public parks) the most blatant one has to be the misuse of the Amber Alert system. The Amber Alert (for those of you not familiar with it) is a system developed after the 1996 abduction and brutal murder of nine-year-old Amber Hagerman. Today, when a child is abducted, a nationwide alert is issued through television, radio, and electronic freeway signs, allowing the public to be the eyes and ears of law enforcement.
Although the Amber alert has worked well, it is now most often used to solve custody disputes between illegal aliens and their common-law wives. In fact, I’ve made $100 in the last week alone by betting my wife each time an Amber alert was issued that it would turn out to be a Mexican kid abducted by one of his shiftless illegal alien parents. It didn’t take long for my wife to wise up and stop taking these bets (but if your spouse isn’t up on current events, it would be a great way for you to make a quick buck).
As a result of Esse’s abuse of the Amber Alert system, I would like to propose a more appropriate one for illegal aliens – the Hector Alert. The Hector Alert would be broadcast only on Spanish speaking radio stations and Univision. The rest of society should not be burdened by Esse having a custody battle with his baby’s mama. It goes without saying that the Hector Alert system should be funded wholly by the Mexican government.
In addition to parental kidnappings, the Hector Alert system would warn police NOT to pursue any of the other illegal activities our newly arrived amigos find themselves embroiled in. After all, we’re always being lectured by left-wing shitbags about Esse’s “culture” and how we need to stop being so “judgmental.”
Therefore, Hector Alerts will also serve as a guide to authorities and prevent cash-strapped police departments from wasting money fighting criminal activity considered to be part of normal, everyday life in Guadalajara.
The Hector Alert system will consist of five levels (H1 through H5), depending on the severity of the crime as follows:
H1 – Petty crimes; car prowls; shoplifting; dope dealing; being short
H2 – Driving uninsured; driving while intoxicated; driving without a license; driving with more than 15 people in one sedan; listening to music with accordions in it; marrying a minor (with her parents’ permission); having bad pock marks; voting; showing your wiener to schoolchildren
H3 – Attempting to kidnap and rape a 14-year-old girl
H4 – Successfully kidnapping and raping a 14-year-old girl
H5 – Mass murder, meth lab explosion, raping a nun and strangling her to death with her own crucifix; all soccer-related activities
Please petition your representatives to implement this new system immediately. At the current rate, Esse will have burned through all federal and state Amber Alert funding for 2006 and 2007 by this Christmas. We need this money to fight legitimate crimes (in other words, any crimes committed by white people because they don’t have a cultural excuse).
Better yet, arrest, charge and imprison all lefties who side with esse every time one of them commits a crime.......
© by Michael Cooper 2005