The Explodey Awards
It has come to our attention that Tiberius and I have been a little rough lately regarding the accomplishments (or lack thereof) of Muslims over the last several hundred years. To make up for it, I have done what most liberal public school administrators have done (lowered the bar so that everyone gets recognition, whether or not they deserve it).
With that, I would like to announce the first (and hopefully, last) Explodey
Awards, dedicated to the accomplishments of Mohammed and his ilk.
Although the most notable Moslem contribution in the realm of science is the car bomb, the suicide belt comes in a close second. That infidel pussy Batman has nothing in his utility belt that can wreak the havoc that Mohammed can when he walks onto a crowded bus full of Jewish schoolchildren. This is a major accomplishment in the eyes of Moslems, and they want their praise.
Here are some other noteworthy Muslim contributions to society:
Strip Searches - Muslims abide by a strict code of personal privacy. They don't allow their womenfolk to show their hair (and some make their wives walk around in industrial size trash bags). Ironically, while Mustapha covers up his wives, the rest of us have to disrobe every time we want to get on a fucking airplane. And thanks to political correctness and racist Muslim "rights" groups, it is virtually certain that people who look like Mohammed Atta or Richard Reid will NEVER be scrutinized at the airport. As a result, it is my Japanese wife who ends up having some $5 an hour security pervert violate her nether regions with that fucking scanning wand. Nice work, assholes.
Honour Killings - This is almost exclusively a Muslim practice. True, there are psychopaths of all races and creeds who kill their family members, ,but in the West, we make horror movies about these people and put them in prison. In Johnny Arab land, they are elevated to greatness. Michael Myers and Lizzie Borden would no doubt be treated as heroes, if they had only been of the "correct" religion.
Caterwauling - Although Homey has made great strides in the weeks following Hurricane Katrina, the people who are still the most adept at making excuses for bad behaviour in their community (and trying to place the blame on racism) are the Muslims. Not a week goes by in which we aren't treated to more of this nonsense such as Muslims trying to ban pig figurines in the U.K. or blaming the War in Iraq as a reason for terrorism which has existed for decades.
Hiding Behind Women's Skirts - Nobody does it better than Mohammed. Islamists are in a class all their own when it comes to using women and children as human shields. Islamists and their apologists are under the impression that our chivalry and respect for women is a weakness, when in fact it is the DEATH of chivalry in the West (with pussified and feminized men having to interact with selfish, ball-busting bitches) which has caused so many problems for us. Nevertheless, Mohammed will still use children to clear minefields, hide weapons caches in mosques, and duck and cover amongst the populace at large.
Stampeding - I don't know when humans started actually DE-evolving, but one segment certainly has. Muslims of all stripes seem to love being involved in a good human stampede. Take a look at the way they flood the streets and cram together whenever there's a major event. And there are sure to be hundreds of deaths at this year's pilgrimage to Mecca during the Holy Month of Ramabomb. You can always count on Ramabomb for a good stampede.
Prison Recruitment - Christians used to lead in death-bed conversions, but at some point in time, Moslems took the lead. Converting to Islam while doing a ten-year stint for homicide or rape is almost mandatory these days. It won't be long before judges automatically order Islamist conversions for convicted felons during the sentencing phase of their trial.
Disinformation - Most people love a good urban legend. Hell, Michael Moore has made his fortune off of rehashed urban legends, half-truths, and flat out lies. But even he can't compete with the Muslim population at large. It's easy to become a Muslim (or a liberal). All you have to do is lie your ass off, take NO responsibility for your own actions, and blame the Jews for EVERYTHING. Muslims value lying above almost anything else (other than killing). Fortunately for Mohammed, many of his lies DO result in the deaths of innocent people. In Africa, where Polio was thought to be eradicated, children are now starting to die from this dreaded disease because some assclown Muslim leaders are telling them that the vaccines are nothing more than an evil Jewish trick. If I recall correctly, Polio was cured by Dr. Jonas Salk (an American Jew), who not only didn't patent his vaccine, he helped ensure that his invention would help save lives around the world. Thanks to the Religion of Peace, Polio is making a comeback in Africa, causing thousands to suffer needlessly. Way to go!
Nobody lies, kills, or whines as good as Muslims do. And it's about time they were recognized for their achievements. We apologize for our previous negative comments and will continue to point out these accomplishments when warranted.
Of course the good thing is that because of their own stupidity, muslims will be the ones to die from Polio while everyone is happily using the vaccine to save lives
© by Michael Cooper 2005