I have met the enemy

I have met the enemy.....

And he is defeated.

I know I am overdue for a posting but the simple fact is I have been too busy basking in the glow of victory (which later turned into a double victory which I can only hope is permanent)

I am sore as well but I reckon I got him better than he got me. All in due time…

We had our class roundup dinner a couple of weeks ago. My ex was there of course and she brought along my replacement.

Now with my ex – it is very hard to work out just what she is thinking at one time or another. But it is very easy to work out how she is feeling. And she was certainly pissed off. I don’t know what it was specifically (still don’t) but he had done something major to upset her like that.

Anyway…….

As to be expected my first impressions were not high. Typical piece of Eurotrash, far too absorbed with his own self-importance with his head so far up his ass he needs to fart to take a breath.

I did the obligatory handshake and tried to get that grip where you get around their hand and by gripping hard you can grind the bones in their hand together. I got that grip and I grinded. It was made easier by that pathetic limp wrested girly “please kiss my hand” handshake he offered. Score one for me.

When he tried to make some semi-sarcastic comment about a hard handshake I retorted with “Well I was always brought up to believe that a firm handshake is a sign of good etiquette. There is nothing worse than a limp wrested, wet fish of a handshake from a man.” Booyah! Score another one for me.

This is the best recollection I can give. Had I written it down as soon as I got home that night all would have been good but I was too elated to actually sit down for long enough and do so. Certainly what is typed here is very close to the points I made in the discussion but as to the exact conversation I cannot be certain.

The introductions finished and we sat down and headed back and forth to the buffet tables. Conversation went on and came around to the War on Terror and the European Union. “The European Union will be the first superpower to rival the US since the end of the Cold War” he claimed.

Here I almost spat my drink out laughing.

“You have got to be kidding me” I said, “someone who has travelled so much cannot be that naïve surely.”

“What do you mean?” someone asked.

“Here is what I mean. Just how is the EU going to match the US? Militarily? Ha. Most of Europe has eviscerated its military and most of the countries are strangling their economies to pay for their socialist nanny state cradle to the grave welfare policies.

The US is researching stealth technologies and computerised body armour for its soldiers that will allow each and every soldier to paint targets with lasers for planes, artillery, smart bombs, and eventually space based weapons I am sure. The ability to link in to unmanned drones high above the battlefield and get up to the second information on terrain and enemy troop movements in real time.

Is Europe going to have anything like that? Anything close to the F-22 Raptor? The B-2 Stealth Bomber? An entire fleet of aircraft carriers?

Just how is the EU going to pay for all this?”

“Oh. When the EU is totally complete and up and running and are all working to the common good.”

Again I almost spat my drink out laughing.

“Uh huh. Two thousand years of constant fighting and war between nations is suddenly going to end with no nation trying to hold a more powerful position than the others and all nations will enter a golden age of cheese eating and surrendering and the theft of citizens wealth in the name of socialism.

Well it is good to have a dream I suppose….”

“You will see. It will happen.”

“Okay – let’s assume it does. You still have not answered how the EU is going to match the US economically.”

“Well the US economy is in recession and…..”

“Yeah and it is still more powerful than all of Europe combined even when things are not going well for it.”

“Well once you have the combined wealth of Europe and the policy of EU ensuring all governments work together towards the same end….”

“Oh like artificial limits on government spending and debt levels? Penalties for governments exceeding 6% of GDP debt or whatever percentage it is? Penalties for economies like Hungry and Poland and Romania which have had 15% growth rates recently as they modernise and revive them from the utter decay of communism while the rest of Europe – especially France and Germany, stagnate at between 0 and 1% growth and “redistribute” (and yes I did the little quotation mark action with my hands) that wealth which is just a nice way of saying drain off like a vampire, like a leach and stealing the wealth and giving it to themselves to prop up their own decrepit economies”

“Now look. You are young and……”

“Don’t you fucking dare condescend me like that!

I am a neo-classical economist specialising in macroeconomic theory – in particular the effects of taxation on individual wealth and on economic growth in the macroeconomy and international economics. My thesis paper was on the effects of bracket creep in Australia for the last twenty years and that resetting the brackets for the introduction of the GST would not properly compensate taxpayers since the prices the GST was based on included the inflation that increased our income levels which had not been offset by resetting the marginal tax brackets with inflation.

Have you read the Wealth of Nations? Have you researched and studied various economies around the world? Obviously not otherwise you would see that the best performing economies over time are those with economies closest to the principles of Adam Smith’s theory. That is an undeniable fact and that you are trying to argue against it just shows how ignorant you are in economic theory and how bigoted you are in your hatred of America that you will not allow yourself to see they have it right on this one.”

“Better we just leave those who fall behind hey?”

“Look at France and Germany. They see they are heading for crisis. They have seen the writing on the wall and are trying to avoid bankruptcy by winding back on their cradle to grave welfare systems and they are meeting extremely heavy resistance since none of the sponges want to get off the welfare gravy train as they see it as their right to have the government provide everything for them with no personal responsibility on their part. It is almost impossible to fire workers in Germany. The economy is suffering as a result. For when things turn bad, as things have been recently, they are screwed. And even when the economy gets better things still don’t improve since small business is reluctant to hire new workers in good times as they can’t get rid of them in bad times. The government is trying to do something about this by easing labour restriction but is being extorted by the unions. In France people are limited to 35 hours a week. Even those who want to do more are not allowed. That is nothing but a completely illogical and artificial restriction which not only doesn’t promote growth but actually retards it.”

“So that’s it. You say it so it’s correct is it?”

“Did I just stutter? It is not me saying this – it is two hundred and something years of economic theory and case study saying this. It is the result of experiments in communism, socialism, and capitalism. Unabridged communism has resulted in the mind-boggling poverty of the former USSR, Cuba and North Korea while almost unabridged capitalism has resulted in the unequalled wealth of the USA with socialism falling far down towards the communist levels of economic wealth.

Just admit you are wrong or admit you are too much of a bigot to admit you are wrong. That way I can respect you for being honest at least.

“Ha. What do I care about what you think of my opinions…

“I don’t care about your opinions - I just won’t let blatant stupidity go unpunished”

“You are such an arrogant asshole. And you really thought things would last between you and her. It’s no wonder she dumped you.”

Here there were two reactions around the table. There were the “Whaaaat?” from those who did not know about me and her. And then there were the “Oh shit he’s done it now” reactions from those who did know.

This where my ex had had enough and chimed in with “Stop this. Both of you.”

He says “The little child here needs…..”

I interrupted with “[name deleted to protect my ex] what were you thinking? You tell me that our age difference is too big and that you think someone closer to your age is going to be more certain to settle down sooner. You said someone with more life experience would be better and more mature. Yet here I am trying to have a meaningful argument and this one is fighting against the truth and regressing to insults and name calling when things aren’t going his way. If he acted any younger he would need a nappy to make sure he doesn’t wet the bed. I did suggest to you that age is no measure of maturity and here is the older male you described to me being the perfect example of that.”

Oh that was it. I could see he wanted to reach across the table right then. And I wanted him to do it as well.

“You got something to say to me you chickenshit?”

“Yes but they are not suitable for the table”

“So let’s go out back to the parking lot then.”

“Huh? What do you mean”

“See. Already the coward is trying to ooze out of it.

You know what I mean. It seems clear you have a big problem with me and her remaining friends. Combine that with the fact I have handed your arse to you tonight and, as I am sure she described to you the nature of our breakup, and with what was said tonight that you obviously see her grounds for breaking up with me and going out with you are very shaky if not outright wrong, it seems you really have nothing on me and you can’t stand it. And let’s be honest. I really can’t stand you either.

You said you have something to say to me and I am giving you the chance to say it – so let’s go outside and get it over with. Or are you going to do the chickenshit cowardly European thing and pretend it isn’t happening?

What’s it gonna be?”

“Outside”

My ex and a few others started to come in with – “Hey hey just sit down. Let’s talk about this.”

Well others came in with that. My ex came in with something like “What the fuck is wrong with you two? Knock this shit off right now”.

We went outside and held our very own Fight Club

It is funny how the timeshift can work. I was so elated that everything was happening and I would get the chance to smack his head in that in an instant I was outside before I got to savour the moment properly. Then as the fight began and the adrenaline kicked in – time seemed to freeze. While the fight lasted a couple of minutes, if that, it felt like we had an eternity out there yet it all seemed to happen so fast as to escape memory except for these things I believe I remember happening – but all this is from looking back after the fight.

I would like to say I came away unscathed but the truth is he did get me a couple of good ones. We both had numerous scratches and scrapes from wrestling on the ground. We both had numerous bruises from the punches.

I had a big shiner on my left eyebrow from when I was too slow in getting up from a semi-successful attempt to take him to the ground. A couple of sprained fingers from a scuffle on the ground and nice cut on my chin from a skirmish in the gravel.

I must have given him a couple of severely bruised if not outright fractured ribs. And his right ear was ringing badly after the forearm I gave him to the side of his head. A corked thigh the result of an inaccurate knee that was suppose to hit his floating ribs (don’t ask how I missed by such a large margin) and a great many bruises from the numerous punches and elbows he copped.

The fight ended with a beautifully executed horizontal knee strike to his solar plexus. He went down and could not get up. Not being able to breathe makes it hard.

It was here I remarked…

“While your ability is laughable, I am forced into at least a little respect in that you didn’t wimp out or cry like a little girl.”

That bit of gloating was interrupted by my ex with tears streaming down her face hitting my with her bag in the back of my head, then threw it down at him. I never could stand to see her cry. There is something so beautiful and heart wrenching about her when she is crying – I lose all aggression and want nothing more than to hold her and make everything right. That was the only thing I felt bad about. That she had to be there to see it. She went back inside.

I walked some off the pain off a bit more and went back inside to have dessert. There I am sitting with a nice bowl of vanilla ice cream with some chocolate sauce when a nice big splosh of red hits it. The gash on my chin had started bleeding and I couldn’t feel it running down my chin because it was still numb.

“Meh. It’s mine anyway” I remarked casually, thinking what a badass all these people must think I am. Well – either a badass or psychopath – I would be happy with either.

He came in after awhile and she tells him “You can take a taxi home. Don’t come around this weekend.”

Then she turns to me “I’ll speak to you next week” with a tone of voice that meant “Don’t you dare phone me and try to talk about this until I decide I want to talk to you”

Then off she went. After a few minutes he asked someone to get his phone and keys from opposite me and went outside.

I have been on a high since then – shiner, sprains and bruises be damned. To so thoroughly whip him in the discussion and in the fight as well.

About a week ago I got a phone call from my ex.

This is where I scored my second victory. She confirmed that they had had a fight on the way up there (didn’t say what it was about and this did not seem like the time to press for further information as I was still being chastised by her) and that his behaviour had made her reassess things and she dumped him.

AH HA HA HA HA HA HA.

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do hope it is permanent. The battle is mine but the war is not over. While his behaviour made her think about things – mine was less than impressive. There is no indication that we are getting back together.

We smoothed things over and I offered to cook her a nice meal to make it up to her. She should be coming over this weekend for it so we’ll see how things go.

UPDATE 19/4/04: The victory is permanent though the final battle in the war may not be fought for many years yet....

Bottom line of this little tale......Do not fuck with me if you are a left wing piece of bigoted Eurotrash.

tiberius.alatheus@gmail.com