I'm about to fucking snap....
Although the 1993 movie Falling Down was ultimately a left-wing hate film against white males, I give Michael Douglas credit for his near-perfect portrayal of a middle class white man who finally loses it after the rat race grinds him into dust. He nailed the character, even if it was a bit cartoonish. The opening scene, where Douglas is stuck in LA traffic on a hot summer day (with a broken air conditioner), was an excellent set up for his character finally snapping and abandoning his car right there on the freeway onramp before going on a rampage, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake.
That's what nearly happened to me yesterday. It is no surprise to me that Americans are going apeshit at a greater rate than any other group in history. People love to cite statistics that show Americans are medicating themselves due to the stresses of daily modern life. And why wouldn't we be? After all, French people don't actually work, so all they have to worry about is whether or not to shave their nuts before wearing a Speedo down to the soccer and cheese festival. Islamists live in shithole countries where they don’t have anything resembling civilization, and all they worry about is which five year old male relative to sodomize (before they "Honor Kill" him). And with all due respect to the European pedophiles, South American shitstains, and Canadian Cunts (oh wait - I actually like Canadians) I'd rather live the U.S.A., even though I know it means I'm eventually going to snap.
Here are the details of what happened:
I woke up ready to take on the day. After all, it was a Friday. Fuck yeah! Stress level: 0
8:00 - I dropped my car off to have the transmission checked. I had taken it in three weeks previously for routine transmission maintenance, and I had noticed it was starting to slip (causing the car to lunge forward when I came to a stop, and to stall when I started again). And there was a leak somewhere. I had to wait 30 minutes for my wife to come pick me up so I could go to work. Stress Level: 3
12:00 - I was meeting an important client for lunch. I'd told her that my boss was also going to be there. We waited at the restaurant, but the client didn't show. I left her a voice mail at 12:30, then ordered lunch. She never fucking showed up. Stress Level: 9
2:00 - I got an email from said client, saying that she was there at 12:00 and waited at the front for 20 minutes before leaving. Given the fact that we were seated at the front (with a full view of the door) promptly at noon, and there was no mistaking WHICH restaurant we were meeting at, I knew this was a total lie. OK, fine. She's trying to save face instead of admitting that she forgot. She wants to meet in two weeks (which tells me that she does feel guilty for no-showing us). No big deal, but it does piss me off. Stress level: 12
2:15 - I call the mechanic, and one of the socially retarded grease monkeys you have to deal with at every auto repair shop tells me that my car is "almost finished." According to Squiggy (or perhaps it was Lenny) they were probably test driving my car at that moment, because he didn't see my keys there. Stress Level: 15
2:30 - I drive home, pick up my wife, and head to the repair shop. To my dismay, the lead mechanic tells me it's "not ready yet." Given the fact that my car is still parked in the same fucking spot I'd left it at in the morning, I know they haven't even touched it (even though I had scheduled this appointment days ago). Then the fucking crook has the nerve to say "We just need to install this part, but Vinnie had to go to the bank. We should be done in 45 minutes." OK, let me just say now that although I don't condone or endorse in any way assaults, fire bombings, or frivolous lawsuits against auto repair shops, as liberals proudly do with terrorism, I will say that I UNDERSTAND such actions. Are we clear? Stress Level: 30
3:45 - After having waited in the hot sun for over an HOUR while these douchebags finished my fucking car, I finally get it back. I drive it off the lot, and I notice it is still having the same fucking problems. All these shitstains did was fix the leak, instead of driving it to assess the root of the transmission problem. I'm not saying they charged me for something they didn't do. They just didn't fucking DO anything. Stress Level: 50
4:15 - I drive back to the office, where I will finish out my day, only to see a solid line of cars from the freeway off ramp for about a mile past my office. Fuck it. I call in and let my boss know that I'm not coming back in for the rest of the day and that they may as well stay there until 7:00 or 8:00 because the traffic is fucked. I turn on the radio and notice that there are two major accidents that are blocking all traffic. Is it just me, or is traffic ALWAYS the worst on Fridays during the afternoon drive home? Would you dipshits out there who can't drive please just stay the fuck home on Fridays? I spend the next hour and a half in stop and go traffic (in a car that is LEAST able to handle it). I'm getting whiplash. Stress Level: 70
5:45 - I get to a store near my house. I'm finally out of the bad shit. The weekend is almost here! Just a quick purchase of beer, and I'm good to go. Stress Level: 65
6:00 - I get home, but suddenly have the urge to have a cigarette. What's funny about this is I'm really not a smoker. I will occasionally have a smoke at a bar (but I haven't gone to a bar in over 10 years) or when I go camping. But for the love of Christ, can someone PLEASE tell me why Phillip Morris doesn't market single cigarettes? This would be a HUGE boon for their business, and you could make a shitload of money by selling Marlboros or whatever in individual wrappers (or plastic tubes) for $0.25 each. I've seen other types of smokes that are sold individually, but those are primarily for homosexuals. Stress Level: 70
6:15 - I go to a local gas station to buy a pack of smokes. When I get close to the gas station, I notice that some cars are driving slowly and awkwardly. Then I see why: three teenage homeys are FIGHTING IN THE FUCKING STREET. Now I pride myself on living in a racially-diverse, middle-class neighborhood. It's really a great part of the country. We have Asians, whites, Hispanics, blacks, and even Islamists. But as I recall when I moved in, we had ZERO homeys. They probably live in the apartment complex near the gas station. Nevertheless, one guy is lying in the street and the other two are punching and kicking him. I'm ready to stop the car and help the guy on the ground (even though it means I'll have to bash one of the chimps in the "teef" with a tire iron), when all of a sudden, homey gets up off the ground and runs over to his friends. What the fuck? All three are now back to shuckin, jivin, and pushing each other with shit-eating-grins on their faces. This was apparently some jigaboo male bonding ritual. I'll have to start watching the National Geographic channel more often so I can keep up. Stress Level: 90
6:30 - I get my smokes and am driving back home, when I hear the details of the shootings in Seattle. An Islamist ape from Crapistan somehow got into the Jewish center and shot five women (one of whom was pregnant). I KNEW this was going to happen sooner or later. Seattle is an extremely left-wing town, and as we've pointed out repeatedly, leftists and terrorists are one and the same. Akmed commits an act of terrorism, and Butterfly makes excuses for him. Let me just say that I've actually been to a wedding in Seattle, where 90% of the guests were Pakistani. What a bunch of fucking assholes. The food sucked, the people sucked, and well, weddings always suck. It is no surprise to me that one of these simians would do something like this. And although the press will try to portray this as a guy who "lost it" (as I am about to) make no mistake that this is an organized move, and there's plenty more to come. FUCK! Stress Level: 105 (this is where I can actually feel something snapping)
7:00 - 12:00 - After a fair amount of drinking (and a couple of cigarettes), I've calmed down quite a bit. After all, tomorrow's another day. Of course, my neighborhood is infested with Islamists, and I may have to call the Orkin man to get rid of homey. And of course, my car (with barely 50,000 miles on it) is a General Motors piece of shit, but what the fuck? I can drink and smoke another day! Hahahahahahahaha!!!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........
Is there where I should mention my wonderful day off work spent on the golf course in the most glorious of sunshine you forget that you are supposed to be in the middle of winter.....
© by Michael Cooper 2006