I almost choked at work today
And no it was not a pretzel that got me.
It was the asshole in the cubical diagonally opposite me.
There I am working (read: typing email to a friend discussing character creation for our games of Morrowind) at about 7:45am (me having been there since 7:20 since I like to start early so I at least have a bit of quiet time before all the other nobs start turning up and so I can fuck off early too) when this asshole walks in. He sits down at his cubicle and what do I hear?
PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHT PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHT
Then I start choking. This asshole has just sprayed himself with about half a can of deodorant and the noxious fume cloud has spread all over our area. (It wasn't even a nice deodorant - some shitty smelling one he thinks makes him tough) No it doesn't make you tough asshole - it makes you stupid and inconsiderate.
Let's just see what is wrong with this picture:
1) He should be showering at home
2) He should be showering. Period
3) He should use deodorant at home
4) If he is some kind of super-dumbass who showers at home and forgets to put deodorant on but happens to have a can of deodorant in his bag, have the decency to walk the full 15 seconds it takes to get to the toilets and do it in there.
It's not the first time he has shouted out "I AM A DUMBASS" either.
About 8 months ago we were all in a training session. In this session there were guys who have been in the office for 15 - 20 years, as well as managers and team leader. The group was very high in seniority.
This idiot and some his group (who were still on their probation period only having joined the office like 2 months earlier) were chatting amongst themselves when one of the senior managers said something about these "young kids today".
I came to the defence of my group (we came in about 2 years earlier at that point) with something like "Hey. You had no problems with my group. We were the ones down at happy hour our first week there drinking you guys under the table."
We had a bit of a laugh reminiscing how one of our guys got wasted on sambuca shots and went around challenging everyone to a shooting contest but couldn't remember it on the Monday.
"Your group was very outgoing wasn't it."
To which I replied. "Don't know what happened to us. We were pretty cool back then."
Then this dickhead chimes in with "Well just remember there are more of us than there are of you guys?"
What the fuck? Some old guy says some stuff about how we all used to drink together and have a good time - youngsters and oldies - and this idiot comes out with "Well there are more in our group so we can beat you all up."
Good job dickhead.
Nevermind the fact most of your group are females (one of them - Wow! How such a small, petite little creature got such a nice rack I'll never know…) and that everyone else in your group at that training session stared blankly at you as if trying to work out how a dumbshit like you managed to slip through the selection process with them - but yeah - you standing alone could beat up my group.
What a dickhead. Go inhale some deodorant.
Deodorant is meant to be used in conjunction with showering, not instead of it.
© by Tiberius
Alatheus
2004