'Cause and Effect' for Liberal Dummies
I've decided to write a book. It's called "Cause and Effect for Liberal Dummies, Leftist Douchebags, and White Trashers." This is a much-needed book at a critical time in the West. It's no surprise that the anti-American left and the trailer park dwellers are dragging the rest of civilized society down, and it's really starting to piss me off. I'm personally sick of being asked to donate money and feign happiness when some unmarried office slut gets knocked up. On one hand, we're supposed to just shut up and pretend it's a good thing. On the other hand, we're all supposed to feign shock when the little bastard ends up in all sorts of trouble down the road. I'm putting a stop to all of this with my book.
Of course, I don't expect to sell many copies to my intended audience. After all, white trashers aren't known for their reading skills, and leftist douchebags aren't exactly the most open minded people on the planet (although they THINK they are). But my hope is that enough normal people who are as sick of this shit as I am will buy enough copies to elevate me to the next tax bracket. Here are a few excerpts:
Chapter One: Arbua Girl Washes Up
In February 2006, the parents of Natalee Holloway (the underage girl who went to Aruba with her friends for a weekend of unsupervised drinking and slutting) filed a lawsuit against Urine Van Der Shit, one of the main "persons of interest" in Natalee's disappearance (at the time of this writing, her body has not yet washed ashore). Natalee's parents are accusing Van Der Shit's father of (among other things) "allowing his son to behave like an anti-social piece of human excrement." This is a little like the pot calling the kettle black, is it not? True, Urine is a douchebag who has admitted to having sex with Natalee (notice the trademark white trash odd spelling of her name), but if his father is somehow responsible for this, then Natalee's parents are even more responsible for HER behavior. After all, they let her leave the country with her girlfriends in order to debase herself in the most vile way. I don't know how many guys she had sex with before she was tossed in the drink like some trophy shark that was bagged by Roy Scheider, but all indications are she allowed herself to be used as a human pin cushion. Her parents have a lot of explaining to do, but alas since Urine is a male he is ultimately responsible for everything that happened to Natalee. If he's the one who killed her, I say give him the chair. If not, well, he's still a douchebag (but not as much as Natalee was a slutburger).
Bonus Poem:
There once was a tourist named Dave
Who found a dead slut in a wave
She was missing a tit,
and she smelled quite a bit
But just think of the money he'd save!
Chapter Two: Bad Citizens Make Bad Parents
One of the most heinous crimes committed in 2004 was the caught-on-tape abduction of 12 year old Carlie Brucia (which ended in her rape and murder at the hands of Joseph Smith, who will hopefully be killed in a similar fashion while on Death Row). Carlie was walking home after staying at a friend's house and decided to take a shortcut when she was abducted. This is a horrible story, but it once again begs the question, WHERE THE FUCK WERE HER PARENTS???? I've got a 12 year old daughter, and unless her friend's house is across the street, I'm sure the fuck not going to make her walk to it or from it. Sadly, in January 2006 we all got a good look at Carlie's mom. And by "good look" I mean we got to see her mug shot. Her mother, Susan Schorpen (notice the trademark different last name) was arrested in St. Petersburg, Florida, on prostitution and drug charges. I may be going out on a limb here, but am I the only one who sees the connection between bad parenting and children winding up under a concrete slab? I didn't think so.
Chapter Three: Multi Culty Assholes
In the previous two chapters, we had some fun at the expense of the White Trash community. Let's switch gears and talk about leftist shitbags. It's no secret that even the most "moderate" of leftists think that America is the source of all evil in the world and it must be destroyed from within. That's why they side with the enemy (radical Islam) even though their lifestyles are completely at odds. It's always been a source of amazement that a shaved-head, militant bulldyke from Code Pink would stand shoulder-to-shoulder with a burqua clad Islamist and her bearded husband (who would kill the dyke with his bare hands if given the opportunity). This is easy to explain. It's called "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Islamists hate America; liberals hate America. It's as simple as that.
That's why you won't hear a single liberal sticking up for freedom of speech if it happens to offend Muslims (and what DOESN'T offend Muslims, for Christ's sake?). Liberals are twisting themselves into pretzels in order to make excuses for Islamists at every turn. It's all part of the Marxist-Islamist Alliance (started in 1985 when the Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkof won the WWF tag team championship from Barry Windom and Mike Rotunda). Since then, it's all been downhill, and this unlikely (and unholy) alliance has flourished in the West. The result has been devastating. In France, Muslims rioted with impunity for weeks while liberals made excuses for them. In Britain, the apes blew up a subway and a bus while liberals made excuses for them. In Canada, the jumpin' jihaddis are demanding that Shar'ia Law be enacted and applied to the country as a whole (or at minimum, they want to have their own country within Canada, so it will be easier to sneak in a dirty bomb). I can't say that I necessarily feel SORRY for those countries (including America) who allow this to happen to them, but there are occasionally innocent people (like me and my family) who will be negatively impacted. Everyone else can fuck off and die as far as I'm concerned.
Chapter Four: Jews vs. Apes
I'm not sure if Arial Sharon has seen The Planet of the Apes. It would have done him well to do so before pulling out of Gaza like the leftist shitheels and anti-Semites like Cindy Sheehan, Michael Moore, and Richard Queere wanted him to do. The result of the Israelis leaving Gaza (and handing it over to the Palestinians) was perfectly predictable to anyone who has seen Escape from New York. Filthy animals and criminals will always behave like filthy animals and criminals. If you give them some land, that land will become a savage, unlivable hellhole. Australia, of course, is a huge exception. Although originally a penal colony (no dick jokes, PLEASE), the criminals who were shipped to Australia actually knew right from wrong (they just chose to do wrong, but they still knew it was wrong). This is beyond the comprehension of your average Palestinian (who thinks anything he or she does up to and including blowing up a school bus full of five-year-olds is actually a 'good' thing). I'm not sure what Mr. Sharon expected would happen when he kicked out the civilized people (Jews) and let the uncivilized apes (Palis) take control, but we all see the carnage on a daily basis. Perhaps he knew this would happen, and wanted to show the world once and for all (so they would shut the fuck up).
I'm not Jewish, and I don't believe that Jews are God's "chosen people." However, it must be clear by now to even the most myopic of moronic Marxists that the Israeli Jews have made more advances in the last 50 years than the entire Arab world has for the last 1000. Is this why they are hated so much? Or is it because the Jewish God doesn't demand that they cut people's heads off at the drop of a hat? Personally, I don't give a fuck because an ape is an ape is an ape. The Palestinians (who cheered on 9/11) can all get the plague and drop dead as far as the rest of the world is concerned. This planet would be a much better (and safer) place without them.
Allowing an extremist Muslim to rule ANY country is no different from the neighbor who allows his pit bull to run around off leash. Sooner or later, a child is going to be killed. It's as simple as that. Cause and effect.
Info will be coming soon on how you can order this fantastic best-seller....
© by Michael Cooper 2006