Just add breasts

Just add breasts…

I am not one to criticise the justice system of any other country in the world, but where stupidity reigns supreme, I think I will make this an exception.

Schapelle Corby

Dubbed as “easy on the optic” in relation to her drug trial in Bali, Schapelle Corby was given extensive coverage by the Australian media. Shock radio jock Derryn Hinch was unfairly hammered for exercising freedom of speech in this country when he hit the nail on the head by saying that she is getting attention as she is “… young, white, pretty and has big boobs”. It is, of course, irrelevant that she is quite stupid in not locking up your bag while travelling overseas, or how she failed to “notice” how her bag can be 4.2kg heavier when she took it off the luggage carousel. Schapelle vehemently denied the drugs were hers and was found guilty by an Indonesian court. Her “plea from the heart” to the judges of the court were rejected as it was not delivered in Indonesian, and the judges did nothing but look bored while she blubbered her way through her speech. Now there’s a few hours of her life she can never recover from drafting a useless piece of literature.

Things to take away from this: Young, white, boobs. But otherwise, a waste of time doing anything unless you speak Indonesian.

The Bali Nine

Not as large of a media coverage, because Australia had been completely over the Corby coverage and did not have as much time for nine stupid people who knew (from extensive media coverage already) that there would be a death sentence to those found with drugs in Indonesia. But a bunch of uneducated (insert stupid, thick, moronic, stupid and dumb) bunch of white guys still went and stupidly did it – drug smuggling, that is. They had high hopes of a positive outcome of the Corby case, so they would be spared. Dumb shits. Openly admitting to it for a profit of a few thousand dollars was not really worth getting out of bed for. Supermodels earn more than this for a day’s work, but then again, none were really model material. The Australian Federal Police (AFP) encouraged arrest in Indonesia rather than waiting for them to land in Australia. Families of the Bali Nine were outraged. Yes, I supposed if I were living in a country where capital punishment was outlawed, I’d be pretty pissed off as well my son didn’t have a chance to serve 10 years in prison out of the life term and get set loose into general society again after a farce of a time period. Very annoyed indeed.

Lesson to take away from this: No boobs were involved here. No one gives a shit really.

Nguyen Tuong Van

The Singaporean government announced the date of execution to be December 2, 2005 for Nguyen for being caught with 396g of heroin strapped to his body while in transit. He claims it was to help his druggie twin brother get out of debt. As you may have guessed if you haven’t already, Nguyen is Vietnamese and Australia doesn’t make a large fuss out of something when there aren’t white people involved. In his defence, he did not deny he was carrying them, it’s quite obvious when you have the thing taped to one’s body. Appeals of clemency have fallen on deaf ears – even with the backing of the Queen (useless figurehead who has no power anyway), the Pope and the Australian government. Our Prime Minister has been less than enthusiastic at getting involved, only more concerned about damaging relations with Singapore than trying to save a life. No surprise, really when he sent our troops off to Iraq even though we didn’t want to get involved – it was America’s war, not ours. Not like our fuel prices went down after catching Saddam Hussein or anything.

Lesson to take away from this: Australia doesn’t give a shit about “multiculturalism”. Bet you that it would be different if he was white had “boobs”.

Michelle Leslie

Anyone who is on this side of the world and has been in front of a television lately would have caught wind of the Michelle Leslie case in Bali. Yes, once again, proving that you have to be pretty stupid to go into Indonesia with drugs, she alleges that these 2 ecstasy tablets were given to her by an unidentifiable female only known as Mia. But she learned from the above and this is what she did:

Immediately started dressing like a Muslim woman – when all else fails, let’s pretend to be one of them to get out of jail free. Of course, once she came out this scott free, she threw away her garb faster than George Bush could pronounce “Eye-Raq”. (Then again, maybe not a good example, but she could still do it faster)
Owned up to being a drug user so she got clemency. Yes, let’s go put Australia on the map for being a breeding ground for druggies and addicts. Hands up the next Australian dicktoad to get caught….

Despite showing a lot of skin, she didn’t have much of a cleavage if you ask me.

I am just thinking aloud when I say this, but I bet she had some “connections” or some friends in high places with a wad full of cash to bail her out. After all, we do know that money tends to talk, and unfortunately Schapelle Corby’s case, her Australian lawyers stepped in and sacked her Indonesian lawyers for even suggesting it. Again, I am thinking aloud when I say Michelle Leslie’s “friends” must have gone under the table, if you know what I mean.

Lesson to take away from this: You don’t need to be white. Just add breasts. If she is smart, she will probably make a wad-load of cash by selling her story on how to do it successfully. In this case, she was the winner of Indonesian Survivor. She played it well and she won.

Remember, readers. I gave you the above advice for free – FIRST!

Prime Minister’s message

The Prime Minister declared that ‘it’s beyond belief that any Australian could be so stupid as to carry drugs into any country in Asia’. He goes on, ‘But people have to understand that if they get caught with drugs, they can’t expect the Government to bail them out’. (quote courtesy of Mirko Bagaric at http://www.moraldilemma.observationdeck.org/?p=13).

No use asking either of the following for help, as they are pretty useless when it comes to intervention:

Queen (Christmas Day messages from Buckingham Palace are her strong points).
Pope (Neither Singapore or Indonesia are Catholic countries. Why listen to someone who heads an institution of inciting war and revolt? -> Think Crusades).
United Nations (Comments on human rights are great and all, but there is no power here to do anything).

Under the Australian Extradition Act 1988, the Attorney General cannot authorise an extradition for Australians overseas who are facing the death penalty. I mean, why should we? Much better to utilise funds of our richer neighbours to keep our crims alive. After all, Indonesia sends us enough illegal boat people who protest against our crappy living conditions in mandatory detention centres.

Lesson for you, morons: You are illegal, you jumped the queue and we are not a hotel or a charity!

It appears we are sending a message that Australia is a country of junkies and traffickers. Keep up the good work, as we need to rival America with _something_

I like my Asian neighbours. They like sending “stuff you” messages to Australia. I am off to recruit me an army, peoples …

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