Of Bigfoot and Bullshit
News was going around late last week
of NEW PICTURES OF BIGFOOT!?!1!!1!1 OH MY GOD I AM
GOING TO PISS MY PANTS WITH EXCITEMENT!?1!?!1!1!!
Look at the first one – that looks like some animal – a bear perhaps, getting up
and mooning the camera
The second one looks like the same mangy bear
but then I saw the third one and nearly fell out of my chair:
It is a fucking bear! It does not look remotely like anything else other than a
fucking bear. It looks more like a bear than the “classic” footage looks like a
man in a suit – and that is clearly a man in a suit.
What is it about dickheads that make people believe this shit? And more to the
point, what makes these dickheads go on to study shit like this, calling
themselves cryptozoologists and waste their life (and our time having to hear
about it) hunting shit like this?
Now I am not saying there are no undiscovered species left. It is entirely
possible, if not probable, that there are new and undiscovered species of ants
and butterflies and spiders and fish and lizards and small jungle rodents
waiting to be found, but giant monsters still waiting to be discovered after a
hundred years of every dipshit with too much time looking for them? Come on…
Yes at one point in my life I wanted to be a cryptozoologist. I had dreams of
travelling around the world, capturing the Loch Ness Monster, trapping Bigfoot
and a Yeti, finding that horsehead monster in some African lake and capturing a
Nondescript – no not one of those scam creatures Charles Waterton made, this
nondescript I read in a book titled Unexplained Mysteries or something (same
book that gave me the heads up about the African horsehead monster)
– but then I turned 8 years old and realised that Bigfoot was a man in a suit,
the Loch Ness Monster was a great marketing scam by the locals to get stupid
tourists to visit a town nobody would otherwise visit, and the so called
nondescript in the book had a description and an artist’s impression of a
creature that looked like the body of a merman, skinny bony arms with sharp
claws and a big round mouth full of pointy teeth, much like a grey nurse shark
but with narrower and pointier teeth – and that description pretty much killed
its claim to nondescriptiveness and thus was bullshit.
Oh and the fact the guy who found it was digging a hole or something and pulled
this thing out all curled up in a ball, and thinking it was dead, put it in a
big glass container, before it apparently woke up and broke its glass container
and escaped.
Yes as a seven year old kid that was very exciting and scary and entirely
plausible, but come on – time to grow up people.
It would come as little surprise that most of
these fuckwits would turn out to be leftists...
© by Tiberius Alatheus 2007