Are you a douchebag? Take the Asylum Challenge!
Are you a douchebag? If you are, you probably don't realize it. In fact, like most douchebags, you're most likely clueless. Don't worry. We at the Asylum have come up with the ultimate test to determine how much of a douche you really are. Just answer the following 20 questions (honestly) and add up your score.
1) Do you forward chain emails of stupid jokes or phony motivational stories to your friends and coworkers? 5 pts
2) Do you think all Asians speak the same language? 5 pts
3) Do you leave your cell phone on in movie theaters? 10 pts
4) Do you have a motivational plaque on or near your desk at work? 10 pts
5) Do you walk in groups side-by-side at the mall, slowly, so nobody can get by your sorry ass? 10 pts
6) Do you insert retarded phrases in your emails like quotes from famous people or “Second place is first loser?” 10 pts
7) Does your overbearing fat American wife give you a “Honeydo list” every weekend? 10 pts
8) Do you create your OWN Honeydo list? 15 pts
9) Do you wear a baseball cap, even though you’re older than 11? 15 pts
10) Do you have a tattoo of Chinese characters, even though you can’t read or understand Chinese? Or do you have a tattoo on your neck? 15 pts
11) Do you drive with your fucking dog in your lap? 15 pts
12) Do you have a beard – especially a shitty, half-assed one that was en vogue in 1995? 15 pts
13) Do you have one of those uber retarded “Coexist” bumper stickers on your car? 15 pts
14) Do you use your cell phone at the gym so everyone will be really impressed and think you’re Donald Trump just because you have a landscaping “business” (and by “business” I mean you hire illegals to do shit for you and barely have two dimes to rub together)? 15 pts
15) Do you wear one of those painfully retarded Gym Guy T-shirts with sayings such as “Pain is weakness leaving the body?” 15 pts
16) Are you an extreme sports flake? 20 pts
18) Have you (or any of your close friends) ever played Blackout, Space Monkey, or whatever you homos are calling the “Choking Game” these days? 25 pts
19) Have you subscribed to Classmates.com because you peaked in high school and want to relive your “glory days?” 25 pts
20) Do you wear or have you ever worn a Blue Tooth headset? 30 pts
Scoring:
0-30: Don’t worry, you’re normal
35-100: Worry. You’re moderately douchey, but you can still cure it.
105-200: You should change your name to Massengill
Over 200: All hail King Douchebag!
300: Perfect Score! Please go kill yourself.
No doubt the further left you are, the higher your score....
© by Michael Cooper 2006