One King to Rule Them All
All Hail His Royal Highness Peter Jackson!
It is about fucking time he got the recognition for his efforts.
But can someone tell me why it was deemed unworthy of a cinematography nomination? You have any number of spectacularly shot battle scenes. The Lighting of the Beacons was spectacular yet not even worth a nomination?
I reckon it was just because they didn’t want it setting the record for most Oscars won. It is fitting that Ben Hur and ROTK share the record. You have your old school film making epic and your new style film making epic but frankly I consider it an insult to both those films to have your hugely overblown piece of shit film making in Titanic in the same company.
Turdtanic – The biggest piece of acclaimed shit in history.
Let’s examine this shall we:
ART DIRECTION
Oh yes – Turdtanic surely deserved this one – what with being able to go off historical recreations and essentially build them from plans – not that most people would know if they were wrong or not as opposed to having to create something totally new and not seen before as in Men In Black or something like a city of the past in LA Confidential where people who lived there would know if something did not seem right.
CINEMATOGRAPHY
What a fucking joke this is. Janusz Kaminski was robbed for his work in Amistad here.
COSTUME DESIGN
Turdtanic and its old fashioned crap that you can go get from any fancy dress store should not have even been nominated. Its nomination should have gone to The 5th Element as should have the Oscar for Costume Design.
FILM EDITING
This is one of the biggest loads of shit ever. Best editing? A blind monkey whacked out on acid pills, masturbating in its own faeces could have done better as even that monkey would not have given us two hours of complete and utter shit before getting to good bit.
Nevermind that LA Confidential kept us riveted for all of its 2.5 hour run time.
MUSIC SCORE
Oh please. Can you say “Generic off the shelf, extra cheesy mass produced romance theme of the lowest calibre”? The Academy could.
MUSIC SONG
Vomit. The music. The lyrics. The song. The singer. Obviously the Academy got in all deaf members as some sort of EEO thing on this category.
SOUND
If aliens were watching that year’s broadcast of the Oscars they would said “No. These people can’t work out the sound work of Contact was infinitely better than the sound work of Turdtanic. There is not enough intelligence on that planet to warrant us meeting them”
Sad but true.
SOUND EFFECTS EDITING
Oh yes. Shitty ocean sounds are much better than the sound effects and haunting alien opera in The 5th Element.
VISUAL EFFECTS
All 3 films in this category were shit. But Lost World and Starship Troopers were infinitely more entertaining than Turdtanic. The Bugs were an amazing creation that still hold up well today. Turdtanic’s effects were fucked in comparison. Another one where Turdtanic’s nomination should have gone to The 5th Element
Now we come to the two biggest miscarriages in recent history
Best Film – A riveting story with tight pacing, believable characters brought out by some great acting thanks to an excellent script and guided by sure and competent directing. Everything LA Confidential was and everything Turdtanic was not. Yet which one wins best film? It is good that aliens weren’t watching because this decision would have been cause to exterminate our species.
Everyone ragged Pearl Harbour (and rightly so) for making us sit through two hours of crap to get to a decent scene yet how come nobody complained when Titanic did the same thing – except its two hours of crap was even worse than Pearl Harbour’s and its decent scene (i.e the actual sinking) was not even close to being as good as Pearl Harbours scene (i.e the actual attack)
And of course Best Director.
Curtis Hanson should be given a free pass to burn down the academy and kill everyone who voted for Cameron. Most directors make films to tell a story – either one they find interesting or one that is dear to them.
Cameron made this to feed his own ego. And he did it poorly as well. Other like Lucas and his prequels, the Wachowski’s and the Matrix sequels have also made films to feed their own egos and done it poorly but at least they didn’t win awards for it.
And as if to prove to us it was all for his ego he goes on with Ghosts of Titanic to further milk it and try to get more praise to feed his giant ego. He had the choice to do T3 but decided to feed his ego instead.
I hope he is really pissed off with how well T3 did and given his history of cheating on his wives for the co-star of his latest movie, he would be really pissed off about missing out on Kristanna Loken. Ha! Serves you right you cocksucking egomaniac.
Next time – just go back to doing what you do best instead trying to milk a past success over and over and over again.
James Cameron does action. He does it very well. He knows action. But he is about as artistic as a sledgehammer hitting a brick wall. Best director my ass.
Titanic was just that. Ass. Yet is has the honour of being up there with Ben Hur and The Return of the King.
Peter Jackson is the true King of the Movie World. Not only did he turned out three fantastic pieces of cinema (which is more than most directors will ever do) each three hours in length and none of it with the pretension and “Look at me. I am so great” attitude that Cameron oozes.
Peter Jackson is truly worthy of the award. The monumental undertaking he spent the last seven years of his life on, brought to fruition so superbly, is a feat in cinema that will never be surpassed.
Peter Jackson should be allowed to make any movie he wants from here on it. Fuck King Kong. He should be doing Bad Taste 2!
© by Tiberius Alatheus 2004