Games I want for Christmas
You take on the role of Gerald Cohen and must work your way through campaigns of slaughtering Palestinian terrorists (a redundancy I know) to stop your country and fellow Jews from “Being pushed into the sea” for your high crime of……..well….for your high crime of being Jews.
Roll tanks into terrorist hideouts in the West Bank, pilot helicopter gun ships and launch rockets against terrorists in the Gaza Strip and use bulldozers to crush foreign scum who arrive to protect the terrorists. There are no penalties for killing them – in fact the more Palestinians and protestors you kill early in the game, the fewer you will have to fight in the later levels.
Be on the lookout for special bonus kills including Yasser Arafat, Rachel Corrie, and Jimmy Carter.
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Trilogy
You are one of many Jedi Knights who remember what the original trilogy was and swear upon your life to reclaim its glory. Travel around the galaxy destroying all evidence of these “prequels” while eliminating those involved in their production. Work your way into the black heart of Skywalker Ranch and the final confrontation with Darth McCallum and Emperor Lucas.
Exit the Matrix
The Wachowsky brothers are hidden somewhere in the Matrix. Your mission is to hunt them down and bring about the end of their world. Explain the causality of you kicking their arses because they stole your money with their last two movies. Kill them and then race against the clock to exit the matrix but not before finding the money they stole from you as they anally raped you in Reloaded.
Big Brother Hunter
You’ve dreamed it. Now play it. The next successful entry in the Big Game Hunter series, this allows you hunt down the contestants whom you had suffer through the torture of hearing about even after the show was finished. 30 special “hit zones” will allow you to shoot, stab, burn, maim, cut off, skin, and bury axes in places all over their bodies. Look for expansions that will enable you to go after the creators and go back in time to get the contestants before become contestants.
Socialism
A game that will appeal to losers and leftists everywhere.
Effectively you win this game by losing. You are given a strong economy and a
capitalistic minded population and it is your mission to bankrupt them both
through social programs and “steal and spend” policies and by making it
impossible for business to flourish due to excess regulation and totally
impractical social policies such as employer-paid childcare, all the while
committing mass genocide in keeping with every communist/socialist regime in
history without the population rising up and horribly slaughtering you. I don’t
want this one but want to play the expansion where you get to play as the
population who rises up and commits a glorious and noble genocide against the
socialists and leftists that bankrupted them in the original game. To win this
game you must rebuild the economy and regain your standard of living.
My games rule and would sell millions of copies – except
amongst terrorists, socialists, big brother and matrix fans but who cares. I
don’t want scum like that playing my games anyway.
© by Tiberius Alatheus 2003