Mars Rover a Fake?

Today the Bushies are once again celebrating a "victory" in the space race (a peni-centric, patriarchal plan for dominating the heavens). They are quite pleased with themselves over the alleged landing of the Mars Rover "Sprit" (after the European and Japanese projects both failed). Since you (Mr. and Ms. Public) are so easily fooled by Bush&Co, let me set you straight:

1) This is nothing more than a project to get more oil for Halliburton. What you haven't been told is that the lander is equipped with special chemical sensors to detect the presence of oil, and if it's there, America will be back (with troops). Within the next decade, there will be regular flights to and from Mars in order to rape that planet of its natural resources. So keep driving those SUVs, you selfish, fat yuppies with your triple lattes and your breeding and your "soccer practice."

2) The Mars project is just one more (in a long line of) carefully crafted RNC schemes in order to get the Chimpy in Chief re-elected. Nevermind the fact that the Mars Rover was launched over five years ago. Another thing you simpletons don't realize is that Bush has a time machine. WERE YOU AWARE OF THAT, IDIOTS??? This is the same time machine he used to fly back to 1999 and cause the NASDAQ to crash. This was what led to the recession (rightfully called the "Bush" recession). And although we progressives are vehemently anti-business and anti-stock market, when a greedy republican is president we suddenly focus on economics, business, and stocks. There is nothing wrong with this.

3) Let me be the first to point this out. The whole Halliburton for oil thing is a SCAM. That's right. The REAL reason pResident Shrub decided to travel back in time and launch the Mars Rover is to gain more territories for (you guessed it) the JEWWWWWWSSS! This is just another in a long line of power-plays designed to grab land from the Palestinians. Everybody knows that the Palestinians were on Mars long before the Jews were. In fact, it is considered to be their ancestral homeland. Although I was born a Jew, I hate those goddamn Zionists and the International Zionist Conspiracy. That's right - I detest Jewish people who actually FOLLOW Jewish principles (and that goes double for my parents who made me go to a Jewish school back in Junior High). I hate them. I hate them. I hate them.

Editor's Note: MichaelMooreIsGod came to us from Democratic Underground Home (DUH) where she was an active contributor and rabble rouser. She is currently involved in the Kucinich for President team, and is convinced that Bush is using his time machine to somehow keep Kucinich at a mere 2% in the polls. She has not divulged her real name to us, but it is certain that it contains one of the following: "Butterfly, Payton, Moonbeam, Sunshine, Buzzcut, WomanLove, or Carpetmunch." We'll let you know as soon as we find out (there is an office pool, in case you're interested).