I was going to write a last minute election piece posing several questions, which needed to be asked of every Kerry supporter before they cast their multiple fraudulent ballots. Rather than do this (since the election will be over soon), I’m simply going to point out the obvious: John Kerry’s supporters are some of the most socially retarded people this country has ever seen.

I’m not talking about their lack of critical thinking skills, integrity, or even patriotism (although they are most definitely lacking in all three). For example, if Kerry wins, will the war in Iraq all-of-a-sudden become "legitimate?" Or will Kerry simply fight a more effective "Illegal war for oil?" If Kerry wins, will that mean the end of excuse making for Osama bin Laden by so many on the left? These are indeed interesting questions, but questions nevertheless that I’d prefer go unanswered (as a Kerry victory will be disastrous for this country, marking the end of America as a leader in the world).

If John Kerry is elected president, it will mark a new direction in politics. It will prove once and for all that cheating, lying, and spewing blind hatred IS a viable method of achieving ones goals. It will show that socially retarded behavior is actually not all that bad (and in fact may be desirable). I’m not just talking about Teresa Heinz Kerry and her penchant for calling everyone else "Un-American," or her son calling Bush a "cokehead." In fact, the socially retarded mindset of the modern Michael-Moore wing of the Democratic Party extends well beyond its leaders.

Take driving, for instance. I am now officially putting all of you socially retarded drivers (with Kerry bumper stickers on your cars) on notice. Since you seem to have such disdain for "pre-emptive" strikes, I’m pleased to announce that I’m ending my 15+ years of pre-emptive corrective action for your shitty driving habits. I say without fear of contradiction that I am an excellent driver. Apart from a speeding ticket, I’ve never had any serious moving violations. I’ve only been involved in collisions three times (each time, I was stopped at a red light when I was struck from behind). In two of those cases, the drivers were visibly intoxicated and reeked of dope (making them prime Kerry supporters).

For nearly two decades now, I’ve been driving the way that everyone should be driving: defensively. I’ve learned to instinctively take corrective action to compensate for somebody’s last minute lane changes, sloppy merging, and other socially retarded driving techniques. I can honestly say that I can read the minds of other drivers. I can tell if someone wants to merge (just by a tilt of his or her head). I anticipate trouble, and I make adjustments as necessary.

That stops as of this week. Actually it stopped several weeks ago (for one segment of the population). This year I have noticed a disturbing trend: The vast majority of incompetent drivers have Kerry-Edwards stickers (or anti-Bush stickers) on their cars. This actually makes sense. Ones "inner self" is reflected in the way one drives. A self-absorbed, self-centered jackass (one who thinks he or she is "owed" something by society) is far more likely to drive in a manner which requires the rest of us to make adjustments.

Here’s a perfect example: On the way to work, I (like most people) drive on a freeway, whose onramp ends after about a half-mile or so. As an intelligent, thinking human being (who has driven that particular stretch of freeway before), I am able to think ahead. When I get on to the freeway, I know that the lane I'm in will end within a short period of time. I therefore immediately begin the process of merging. Merging (for you ultra-retarded Kerry voters out there) is a process by which you either drive faster than the person in the lane you’re merging into (so you can merge ahead of them) or slower than the person in the lane you’re merging into (so you can get in behind them). This simple concept is lost on every socially retarded driver. In fact, it defines the term "socially retarded").

After I merge, I then begin the process of making allowances for the people who have not yet merged. After all, there may be people who simply weren’t quick enough to merge right away. There may have been a semi truck blocking them, or they may be elderly drivers (with slow reflexes). Whatever the reason, it has been my habit (as it is for many drivers) to let people merge in front of me where needed, or to speed up and allow people to merge behind me where needed. Unfortunately, there is one group that is so morbidly socially retarded, they make no attempt whatsoever to merge. They simply ride in the far right lane (seemingly unaware that they’ll have to merge) at a moderately slow pace, until their lane ends (at which point, they "glide" into my lane without signaling).

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