4) Is it relevant? As I listed in a previous debating column (Cooper 101),
liberals will often throw in a red herring such as "Bush was on
vacation too much before and after 9/11" or "Bush just sat there like
an idiot for seven minutes after the planes hit." These interesting
tidbits have no relevance whatsoever to the argument at hand. For
example, even though Bush was on vacation the month before 9/11, a
"vacation" to the president is staying at his ranch (with full secured
video links to his cabinet). In other words, he was working from a
different location. Big deal. It means nothing.
And
how horrible it was that Bush "just sat there" for seven minutes on
9/11. And he even made a scrunched up face a couple of times!! And that
proves what, exactly? That's right - nothing. Besides, Kerry "just sat
there, unable to think" for FORTY minutes on 9/11, so be sure to spot
the red herrings and throw them back in the water where they belong.
This also includes the internment of Japanese Americans (irrelevant to
the war on terror), our treatment of Native Americans (irrelevant to
the war on terror) and The Crusades (America had nothing to do with The
Crusades, so put that canned argument back in your holster, Skippy).
And finally,
5) Is the person you're debating a complete mongoloid?
This is perhaps the most important question to ask yourself. The only
reason I didn't list this one first is I don't want people to
immediately assume the person you're debating is insane (which would
turn the debate into a name-calling session). But there are
a large number of liberals who are simply incapable of dealing with
reality. Many of these people are serous moral cowards, and there is
quite frankly no way to convince them that they're wrong. They live in
their own little fantasy world, where America is the most evil nation
in history, and any American's death at the hands of Islamists is
well-earned.
The
best example of this was on the Michael Medved Show. During the debut
of Fahrenheit 911 in Seattle, Medved's engineer went to the theater to
interview some of the people outside. Almost without exception,
these idiots were seriously lacking in intelligence. They were
walking, talking cartoon characters. The conversation with one of the
dregs went like this:
Engineer: Why do you want to see this movie?
Dreadlock:
Why? Because it tells the truth about America's imperialism. This is an
evil country, and I can understand why people hate us. WE'RE the
terrorists. I can almost sympathize with the terrorists.
Engineer: If you say we're the terrorists, are you saying that you sympathize with
US?
Dreadlock: No, man, I sympathize with the Muslims.
Engineer: So you condone the attacks on 9/11?
Dreadlock: No... Well.. No not really. That wasn't cool what they did.
Engineer: Why do you call Americans "terrorists?"
Dreadlock: Because, man. Bush is a terrorist. He's been killing millions of people for like a hundred
years.
Engineer: BUSH has been killing people for a hundred years?
Dreadlock: Well, not a hundred years, but the Bush family has been killing people for a long time.
Engineer: Are you talking about the former President Bush when he fought in WWII?
Dreadlock: No. I'm talking about the Bushies and their buddies in corporate America committing genocide
on millions of people.
Enginner: "Millions?" Where did you get those numbers?
Dreadlock (in a mocking voice): "Where did you get those numbers?" What's with this dude?
Engineer: Did you get those numbers from Michael Moore?
Dreadlock: Later man. I can't talk to you.
As you can see, debating with one of these idiots is an exercise in futility. But it's fun as hell to hear.
I
can't guarantee that you will "win" every argument using these
techniques, but rest assured you'll do extremely well. Remember, you
don't need to be an expert. You just need to know more than your
opponent (which you probably already do). Another important thing to
remember is (here's where I sound like your grandma) be polite. Don't
yell or call anyone names. Be as calm as possible, even if they insult
Bush. Remember, calling Bush an idiot (or "Shrub") is their way of
saying "I have absolutely no grasp of current events." Show them that
you're better than they are. If they're reasonable, they may actually
admit you're right (or will at least respect you). If they're
unreasonable, your rational, calm, logical approach will thoroughly
piss them off.
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