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Greetings
from the Left Coast. As Michael Cooper's Oregon campaign manager, I was
trying to make an entertaining movie to help spread the word about my
candidate. Unfortunately, 'Coop isn't an actual America-hating traitor,
so we won't get a dime from the likes of George Soros or the Tides
Foundation. So with virtually no budget, I am now forced to
bring you the TRUE story of Alien vs. Predator.
Unlike the cheesy Hollywood version, the REAL Alien
vs. Predator happens every single day in Oregon. With our
state's sizable agricultural industry (combined with a government
that Karl Marx himself would be proud of), there isn't a week that goes
by where the news isn't filled with stories about (Illegal) Aliens
and (Sexual) Predators bringing devastation to this region of the
country. Are you scared yet? If you live in Oregon, you should be.
Actually, there really isn't the rivalry between the illegal aliens and the sexual predators that you might think. Why?
Because they're often one and the same.
Illegal aliens from Mexico have an almost religious devotion to
breaking child-rape laws at every turn. A
28-year-old Mexican man raping, impregnating, then marrying
his 12-year-old junior high school student girlfriend is not looked
down upon. His mom is fine with it, HER mom
is fine with it. End of story. In addition, home invasions, drug
dealing, kidnapping, and other wonderful multicultural activities are
perfectly acceptable to the border-jumping community (and they have
plenty of powerful friends who make excuses for them).
Sure,
there are a large number of illegal Mexican immigrants who are
peaceful, hard-working, and family oriented. They are the ones who
simply bleed the system dry with government-subsidized housing, free
medical care, free school lunches, and a K-12 education that their
35-year-old great grandmother could have only dreamed of. But there's
admittedly a tiny percentage of illegal aliens (94%) who commit crimes
(such as identity theft, meth dealing, carjacking, kidnapping,
and child rape) on a daily basis. Since we're all supposed to
accept such behavior as "their culture," I'm sure it won't be long
before such activities are not only de-criminalized, but actively encouraged in order to "celebrate diversity."
But
perhaps the largest (sexual) predator in Oregon's history is former
Governor (and current scumbag) Neil Goldschmidt. Although almost
godlike in favorability among the lemmings of Latte Town (Portland), it
was revealed this past May that the good governor had been boinking his
14-year-old babysitter back in the early 70's (when he was 35). And
(like any good Democrap), Mr. Goldshit has spent the past 28 years
trying to cover it up (and using state money to pay for his victim's
counseling after her two suicide attempts). Even the monster in the
original Predator movie didn't rape teenage girls. Sheesh!
So
don't waste your money at the movies. If you want a good scare, just
turn on the nightly news (if you live in Oregon, Washington,
Mexifornia, Mexas, Mexizona, or any of the other states that are being
"taken back" or have scumbag sexual predator politicians running the
show). For added pleasure, buy some popcorn at the Cooper Tard Store. Oh wait - they don't sell popcorn. Ok, you're off this hook this time....
Todd G,
Guadalajara, Oregon
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