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Many
people think the term "third worlder" simply refers to someone who
comes from an underdeveloped country. Although that may be technically
true, it really means somebody who comes from an uncivilized
garbage culture.
It doesn't matter what your race, ethnicity, religion, or national
origin is. In fact, you could be a Eurotrash third worlder. Here's a
test which will conclusively determine what type of third worlder you
are (with a little luck, you may discover that you're actually a
civilized human being). If you're an American citizen and are curious
about your heritage, take the test just for shits and giggles. You may
find out what a slimebag you are after all!
The good news is the test is completely automated. All you have to do is answer the questions, add up your score (manually),
then determine what type of loser you are. Isn't technology wonderful?
Let's get started:
1) I came to this country via _________________.
a) Mule (1 pt)
b) CarBoat (2 pts)
c) CarBomb (3 pts)
d) Inner tube (4 pts)
e) Cargo container (5 pts)
2) In addition to English, I speak _______________.
a) Arabic (1 pt)
b) Swahili (2 pts)
c) Nee-how (3 pts)
d) Assorted clicking sounds and "beeps" (4 pts)
e) No habla ingles, Esse (and I'm offended you'd expect me to) (5 pts)
3) My teeth are ___________.
a) Normal (slightly discolored and crooked) (1 pt)
b) Giant brown tombstones (2 pts)
c) Completely rotted and reeking (3 pts)
d) Capped entirely in metal (like "Jaws" in those Bond movies) (4 pts)
e) Hanging around the neck of my tribal leader back home (5 pts)
4) People are uncomfortable talking to me because of __________.
a) The dot on my head (1 pt)
b) The prayer rug I carry everywhere (2 pts)
c) My 1980's clothing and hair style (3 pts)
d) My overpowering body odor (4 pts)
e) The plate in my lip (5 pts)
5) My personal hero is _____________.
a) Jimmy Carter (1 pt)
b) Fidel Castro (2 pts)
c) Che Guevara (3 pts)
d) Osama bin Laden (4 pts)
e) David Beckham (5 pts)
6) I pray three times daily to _________.
a) The Virgin Mary (1 pt)
b) The Virgin Larry (2 pts)
c) Mecca (3 pts)
d) Elvis (4 pts)
e) The "Porcelain God" (5 pts)
7) I get my clothes from ___________.
a) Old Navy (1 pt)
b) Old Army (2 pts)
c) Salvation Army (3 pts)
d) Burquas R Us (4 pts)
e) I make them out of old cider barrels (5 pts)
8) I hate America, but I came here because ____________.
a) Free food (1 pt)
b) Free education (2 pts)
c) Free housing (3 pts)
d) Free medical care (4 pts)
e) I'm a sleeper cell (5 pts)
9) I go to garage sales to ____________.
a) Buy school clothes for my numerous offspring (1 pt)
b) Use my socially retarded negotiating skills to get a used coffee maker for $1.50 (2 pts)
c) Rob you blind while my kids distract you (3 pts)
d) Annoy the shit out of you by repeatedly asking "How much?" for an item that you've clearly
marked "Not for sale" (4 pts)
e) Scope the place out for the home invasion robbery and rapefest I'm planning this weekend (5
pts)
10) To earn extra money, I'm willing to _____________.
a) Sell dope (1 pt)
b) Sell a kidney (2 pts)
c) Sell one of my children (3 pts)
d) Have sex behind a dumpster (4 pts)
e) Have sex inside the dumpster (5 pts)
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