Still reeling from
the controversy surrounding their mocumentary 'The Reagans,'
CBS has come back with a vengeance. Later this month, they will air two
new children's holiday specials ("The Peanuts Ramadan Celebration," and
"It's Kwanzaa Charlie Brown"). The specials will serve a dual
purpose: (1) Celebrating Diversity and
(2) Pissing off regular Americans.
In
keeping with their trend of revisionist history, CBS has opted to
creatively alter the classic Charlie Brown specials we all know and
love. In the Ramadan special, the Peanuts gang will convert to "the
religion of peace" and declare jihad on Frosty, Santa, Rudolph, and all
other "infidels" in the Rankin-Bass Christmas specials. CBS is
currently negotiating with all original sponsors, and will likely keep
them on board (provided Dolly Madison is willing to put on a burqua).
The
Kwanzaa special will be much more subdued, but will prominently feature
discussions on how the character 'Pigpen' may be offensive to ethnic
minorities. In addition, Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, and Snoopy will be
renamed 'Chuck D,' 'Leshon,' 'Lequisha,' and 'Snoop Dogg,' respectively.
Renowned
First Amendment Expert (and Presidential Historian) Barbara Streisand
will be the creative consultant on both projects. Her husband (James
Brolin-Streisand) will do many of the voice-overs, as he has been
unable to find real work since 1987. "This is a great project," Brolin
said. "My wife gets to be here to supervise everything, just like she
did during our Reagan documentary (and like she does at home). It's too
bad the fascist Republicans forced us to air 'The Reagans' on
Showtime instead of CBS." When we asked Mr. Streisand why he thought it
was Republicans (and not the American public in general) who were
behind the show's criticism, he looked back over his shoulder waiting
for his wife to tell him what to say. He then told us to stop being so
'mean.'
CBS
has not yet announced the dates for the two new specials. However, they
did confirm that all 'Christmas' specials will be yanked in order to
make room for more 'appropriate' and 'less offensive' programming. We
have no idea what that means, but judging by current network content,
we can safely assume the replacement shows will involve women
experimenting with lesbianism, and strangers eating human flesh and
insects in order to win cash and prizes....
