14)
The humor and irony of hundreds of thousands of
post-menopausal lesbians (who can't get pregnant) marching through
the streets of Washington D.C. and demanding abortion
rights (which they already have) goes completely over your head.
13)
You're unable to grasp the global war on terrorism unless Michael
Moore boils it down and spoon feeds it to you as "America is
killing brown people," after which you conclude that America is
evil.
12)
You openly cheer for America to lose the war in Iraq, you make all
sorts of excuses for why we were attacked on 9/11, and you call Bush,
Cheney and Rumsfeld "The Real Axis of Evil," but feign shock when
someone calls your "patriotism" into question.
11) You adopt the most superficial aspects of Asian culture (green tea, feng shui, and the whole "zen" thing), but mock the pillars of Asian society which make them so successful (hard work, delayed
gratification, a strong family unit, and a sense of honor).
10)
You cringed when you saw the photos of the Iraqi prisoners being
"tortured" by having to stand naked and wear a bag over their heads,
but you didn't bat an eye when the Americans were being dragged through
the streets of Fallujah.
9)
You blame America's over-reliance on foreign oil as the prime source of
money for terrorism, but if a solar-powered car were invented tomorrow
(reducing our dependence on foreign oil to zero), you would then say
that it's America's fault that the Arab world is poor (and would start
making excuses for future terrorist attacks based upon that premise).
8) You were certain that Kucinich, Dean, and Clark were in the "majority," because the things they said fit in with your
limited worldview.
7) You decry jobs going overseas, but you wear Nikes, drive a Volvo, and shop at Wal-Mart.
6) You call conservatives "hateful and mean-spirited," then follow up by telling your friends a few "Reagan has Altzheimers"
jokes.
5) You profess to hate capitalism, but jump at the chance when someone hits you up to join their get-rich-quick scheme.
4)
You think John Kerry deserves to be president based solely on his
questionable record as a "war hero," but balked at such an idea in 92
and 96, when two genuine war heroes ran against an admitted
draft-dodging POS named Clinton.
3)
You admire Japanese ex-hostage Nahoko Takato as a "great
humanitarian" because she helped a handful of Iraqi children
and has dedicated herself to getting the Japanese troops out of
Iraq (even though the Japanese troops have helped Iraqis by the tens of thousands by repairing water purification equipment and are there in a "non-combat"
humanitarian role).
2) You're convinced that AIDS would be wiped out if we could just find a way to remove the negative social
stigma attached to it.
1)
You are furious at Bush for dropping the ball and "allowing" 9/11 to
happen by not using all of the law-enforcement tools in his arsenal
(such as profiling and databases), even though you're doing everything
in your power to block Attorney General John Ashcroft from using the
same law-enforcement tools to prevent a FUTURE 9/11.
