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| Michael Cooper Says "Adios" |
We are sad to report the death of former Cooper for President guest writer Sarah Cohen. Known by the people at Democrat
Underground as "MichaelMooreIsGod," Cohen's most recent project was a civilian lunar mission.
Many of our readers speculated whether she would suffocate in space or
burn up on the launchpad (in her homemade spacecraft). Actually,
neither one happened. It turns out the funding never came through.
Apparently, the Nigerian oil workers who offered to wire her $3 million
in exchange for her bank information were in fact nothing more than
scam artists, who completely emptied her account (shocking, isn't
it?). As a result, Sarah had been working in the adult film industry
for the past month in order to make ends meet. She died tragically last
Saturday while lying in front of a steamroller (during the filming
of a Rachel Corrie snuff film called "Flat on My Back").
Cohen, 26, was an honor student at UC Berkeley, as well as a lifelong democrat and an active member in the lesbo-American
community (and by 'active' we mean promiscuous). Cohen was a founding member of Citizens United
to Nurture Terrorism,
and was working feverishly in the "Anybody But Bush" campaign. Sarah
was very athletic and was often seen running with the bulls of
Berkeley. She will be missed (especially the sleeper cells living
in her dorm room).
We
are pleased to announce that in her place we have hired another woman
from Democrat Underground who goes by the handle "AlFrankenRules." The
woman (who will not give us her real name) is a student at Reed College
in Portland, Oregon. She has been featured in the Guinness Book of
World Records as well as Ripley's Believe It Or Not (for being the only
living person who actually thinks Al Franken is funny). Her interests
include Lilith Fairs, Medieval Fairs, and Renaissance Fairs. In other
words, she's uber socially retarded and has no friends whatsoever
(making her the perfect fit for the Cooper team).
Here was her first article: "George Bush was AWOL!"
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